Relationship Did You Explain Ptsd To Your Toddler

[Deleted member 28812]

Did you explain to your toddler your spouse had PTSD? How did you explain it?

 

[shimmerz]

PTSD is a big issue. What do you feel like you need to explain?

 

[Deleted member 28812]

Why his father sometimes wakes up with a yell, why he sometimes seems to be nervous or scared and why he never goes crowded places with us.

 

[shimmerz]

Keep it simple imho. Toddlers need parents they can look up to. To feel safe with. If she is given a reason not to 'feel safe' (unless there is a reason she shouldn't feel safe) with her Dad then that isn't good for her. Stressing that Daddy is scared may rock her sense of security at this age.

Stressing that Daddy loves her always whether he goes to places with them or not is so important. Letting her know Daddy is having bad dreams (that he is not yelling at her or you) is important i think.

 

[Deleted member 28812]

Stressing that Daddy is scared may rock her sense of security at this age.

I think that he (it's a boy) understands that daddy is scared but just does not understand why. There is a place where he was very nervous. Our son now believes that there are "bad wolves" in the place and does not want to go there anymore/refuses to leave the buggy.

 

[shimmerz]

Ahhhh, I see. So he has picked up his father's feelings. What is your intuition telling you to say @Lemontree?

 

[Deleted member 28812]

I don't know. I explained him that there are no wolves, tried to get him to leave the buggy but he said "No, no, no, bad wolves" and clang to it.

 

[shimmerz]

Personally I would avoid taking your son with you when his father is in crowds. I would say he is too young to process this or to understand an explanation in 'adult speak'. I am not certain if this is possible or practical or not.

 

[Jen93]

I've been thinking about this for a few minutes, and in my opinion, I think you should maybe leave his father out of it. By that, I mean approach it like you would if he came to you and said he was scared.

Say something like "You know John, (or whatever his name is), Mommies and Daddies see bad wolves sometimes too. There's nothing wrong with that. Do you want to know what I do when I see bad wolves? I sing (or pick another technique, like imagining something he enjoys, tell him a story he likes etc. etc) " That way, you've taught him that 1) It's okay to be scared and that it's not shameful or wrong. and 2) That there are ways to manage it.

 

[Eleanor]

When my husband was having an episode I told my daughter that Dad acts like this because he is sick. He is working hard to get better. Right now he is confused about where he is and what is going on, and what he is doing is not ok (he mostly went into big anger when he was bad). We leave when he is like this because we cannot help him, and he needs to just calm down. We feel sad and hurt when he is like this, and that's what people feel in situations like this. It is not your fault, it is not my fault, it is because of something that happened a long time ago.

Now that she is older we talk about it as being like time travel - only his body is still here. (No TARDIS) He has gotten much better, and she is remarkably unreactive to other people's (notably a neighbor's) "crazy" anger.

 

[Momofthree]

I'm a single mom and have PTSD so I don't have the luxury of letting others explain to my children why I act the way I do sometimes. I agree 100% with @Jen93 I have told my children similar things. Or I will tell them "Mommy can't handle this right now, it's not because you are doing anything wrong, it's just because I have too much stress on my plate right now. Let me handle what I have first and then I will come back to this, ok?" I have also been vary honest with them about how they feel and are dealing with their own trauma. My eldest who is now 8 has PTSD, my middle who is 5 has stress induced OCD, and my youngest who is almost 4 has sever abandonment issues. So honestly about feelings and open communication is a MUST in our house.

 

[Deleted member 28812]

Thanks for your advice.
@Momofthree: You say your children have health problems. This is one of my worst fears. My toddler has that fear about wolves, he has another fear about the dark and he is sometimes a little bit rough around the edges.
He is a little bit wild, doesn't hear very well, has hit other boys in the past, climbs everything and so on. My husband says "Yes, of course because he is a boy. I have been much worse as a boy".

I am a bit worried but don't want to pathologize normal toddler behaviour.