Relationship Did You Explain Ptsd To Your Toddler

[shimmerz]

Hi @Lemontree . I raised 4 boys from start to finish. I went through a bit of a 'learning curve' in understanding little boys. They are different but oh so loving! They hit and climb and yell and aren't as driven to please (as a general rule) as girls are. My oldest boy had a deep fear of wolves as well. He used to have nightmares about them. We hugged him and after some talk and picture books and light exposure we took him to the zoo. He is 33 now and had a dream about a wolf just 2 years back. When he told me about the nightmare, he said he vividly remembered his fear of them (he was 1.5 when this fear came up and it took about 6 months to ease). Remember if you can that we all have our things (PTSD Dad or not).

 

[Deleted member 28812]

Unfortunately I resulted to talking very harshly to him sometimes because I don't know how to otherwise bring my message across.

There was another boy he victimized and I tried to reason and explain "What if someone did this to you?". Then I told him in angry voice "If you hit him again. You will in very bad trouble with mummy". I never wanted to be such a parent.

We also do timeouts now - which actually started working after a while but before I had children I swore that I never wanted to do something like this.

His father can be so strict sometimes - like sending him to his room for making a mess. I think have talked about a particular incident when the boy spilled his water because he thought it was funny and he told him he was unfit to eat with the grown-ups. I think it was wrong how hubby reacted and that this was a very hurtful think to say.

 

[Momofthree]

My children have health problems because they spent there formative years in the home of my psychopath ex (and I don't say that lightly, he was officially diagnosed after I left him). My children were 6,3, and 1 1/2 when i left. My eldest not only got black eyes and sever beatings from his father he also watched as his father almost killed me, this is why he has PTSD. My middle learned to cope by conclusively controlling things and have things feel 'just right'. My youngest at the age of 1 1/2 saw her father almost kill me and then saw police take him away, two days later I had to leave her and her brothers with my mom for 3 months while I worked on getting everything done to get an emergency discharge from the Navy and take their father to court for a restraining order, this is why she has sever separation anxiety. I get that you feel guilty for how you act sometimes but as long as you hold him and tell him you are sorry and that you love him, kids are tougher then they look. I would recommend, if you can, taking parenting classes. They could help you and your husband get on the same page when it comes to your son, and give you good insight on what works and what doesn't.

 

[Eleanor]

My husband was verbally and emotionally abusive to me when he was bad. And his parenting skills are... let's say "spotty." Not to say that mine are not. We work on this a lot. It has taken a while for him to see the problems with his "good parent" model - and he's gotten a lot better since. (One of his parents was a lot better than the other... but still abusive.) My parents were emotionally neglectful in a big big way. "How to talk so your kids will listen and listen so your kids will talk" has been a fabulously helpful book for me recently. And familiarity with cognitive, motor and especially LINGUISTIC development really makes the whole thing make more sense to me. There are an awful lot of times when my (very articulate and sophisticated) eight year old just doesn't understand what I am saying... even tho I think I say it clearly - but if she doesn't know what the words mean... And my H set her off the other day saying "You are doing something wrong!" Which totally confused her because at the time she wasn't DOING anything - she had just missed something that was happening that she should have stopped.... He over reacted - she was confused... emotional storm ensued. We got it sorted.

The thing is to figure out how to be HELPFUL.

And no - telling a kid he is not fit to eat with adults is not ok, it is abusive. The rule I learned is that you never tell children what they ARE. You talk about what they are doing and how.

Sounds like you and Dad need to talk more about parenting... It helps to sort things sometimes if you start with "what do you want the child to do?" and the "What do you want their motivation for doing it to be?" It is almost never "I want them to do X because they are afraid of me..." And if it that IS OK with the other person... that is a whole other problem...