Poll Did You Report

[Ronin]

I feel guilty. They don't stop.

Think of it this way: Or you could have done everything in your power and the courts would let these people go.

Instead, you did something incredibly useful for one of their victims: Yourself, seeking healing.
There's nothing as objective guilt about it, you haven't done wrong by taking the route you took.
You were responsible and honoring yourself, and you're still responsible in watching out for others.

That prosecution of offenders anywhere is difficult, doesn't make you a shit person.
You've done enough by living through, you're doing enough by having considered how to be just for long enough, and you're doing enough by still caring.
You really don't need to do more, it's up to others, too.

 

[Nyssa]

Yes. My abusers were my father and brother. So not military.

I reported my brother first. Two years later, I pressed charges my father. It was all joined in a single inquiry.

The original plan was : if they take me seriously about my brother, I'll report my father. I just didn't think it would take them two years to hear me again.

After another three years of investigation, my brother was accused by two new victims. It turns out he assaulted numerous children during the course of the investigation. He is currently being prosecuted for rapes and/or sexual assaults on no less than 17 children, all of which crimes he committed after I filed my complaint.

I knew he was dangerous. I knew this might happen, and I said so. Nonetheless, he was let completely free to harm children. Because it was just his word against mine, they wouldn't send him to detention before the trial. I'm actually ok with that reasonning. What I am not ok with are the 5 long years of sloppy investigation. Decent police work could have avoided these crimes.

 

[Nyssa]

Ironically, when I filed my complaint against my brother 8 years ago, it was to stop him. I felt responsible for what he might do in the future thanks to my silence. And he assaulted (at least) 17 kids despite my talking.

Now I feel qualified to say this :

Don't guilt yourself into reporting your attacker to avoid future crimes. It's not fair and it's not true. It might help, it might do nothing, this is not up to you.

 

[Saria]

Yes it does, doesn't it @Suzetig Sorry to hear you've had to experience it too. And had to deal with your father's abusive response on top of it all.

I still struggle to put responsibility where it belongs and accept it as abusive

Same here, it's difficult. It's so crystal clear to me when I hear your story, but still hard to apply the same logic and compassion towards myself.

 

[Whyteferret]

Yes. My abusers were my father and brother. So not military.

I reported my brother first. Two years late...

@Nyssa
The system really doesn't work well. M
No one should ever have to go through what you did.

You're strong. It takes real guts to stand up like you did

 

[Whyteferret]

I reported sexual child abuse to a police detective at the time it was going on and was told that t...

@Lionheart777
Maybe a slap is worth it if he has to register as an offender.

Ultimately, we all need to take care of ourselves

 

[OneToughCookie]

I just reported my first sexual assault (that occurred my senior year of HS). At first I didn't because after it happened I figured if he had known that coercion is sexual assault and extremely harmful he wouldn't have done it. Then a year later he "joked" about getting girls drunk in a very non-joking way. I asked if he was serious, and he said it wasn't a big deal. I was sexually assaulted again by someone else my first year of college (not to the same degree, but still). When I gained the strength and stability, I told my therapist what happened. I realized it was rape... for some reason I didn't equate sexual assault with rape, but when I did I was like shit I should have reported that. I reported it because he's still a threat to the community and goes to college with a shitton of wonderful innocent women who should be protected from him. The fact that I had text message evidence of him saying "Yeah I know I pressured you a lot and I'm sorry if you felt uncomfortable" made it easier. I haven't reported the second one because I need to get help for my anorexia. Reporting what happened is extremely stressful and I can only handle so much, but I may in the future if there's no statute of limitations and I feel stellar.

 

[Taylor30313]

No I did not. My T even set up having me speak with a retired sheriff. He gave me good advice, which is why I didn't report. Very scary. It happened so long ago. Still regret not reporting, but it was my decision to make I guess. My mom did tell his parents, it was a family "friend". And his step dad apologized and at least his mom was told..

 

[FauxLiz]

I never reported any of the traumas that I could have gone to the police about. My T says it has to do with the parental abuse that I lived through on a daily basis because it was known in our house that we never spoke about what happened in the family outside of the house, we didn't talk about our problems, emotions anything. We learned early that protecting the family name was paramount, behave, get good grades, be a high achiever, no allowances for less than success. so I knew that reporting the incest and the two rapes I endured in high school would not be good for the family "name" so reporting was not an option.

 

[Deleted member 34424]

Yes, I was molested between 8-9 years old and told my mom at 9, who then started the criminal case and I won it. He's still in prison.

 

[claroscuro]

I'm taking report as to authorities, and not reporting it to a caregiver or other authoritive figure.

In relation to physical and sexual abuse by my father, I did report to my mother, on multiple occasions, but she still fails to even acknowledge that I told her, and at the time, it often led to verbal abuse and neglect. I then tried telling a teacher, who was sadly friends with my parents and believed the "good, Christian family" picture they showed the outside world.

Those experiences made me believe that I would not be heard, never mind believed, so I stopped tryingamd never believed anything good would come from it. If I had any hopes that report now would even be followed up on, I believe I would report.

 

[TinkerG]

so many don't report. If you're comfortable, please answer why you did or didn't report....

It was never an option for me since mine was in a relationship context and it became the norm. The first few times were normal, he was very romantic, loving and sweet. He started sexually assaulting me a month or so after we met. Not all the time but it didn't matter, from day one it was always my fault. At first there were excuses, then it was just how he wanted to treat me. It was what I deserved, I made him so angry he lost control, I flirted with other men, I wore my hair down, I wore revealing clothing. Sex became another method of control. Slowly I was conditioned to react the way he wanted. Sexual assault became "normal" sex and I complied. - That pretty much ended the "rape" issue.

Both my parents were cops, I grew up in a very strict house, not abusive, just strict. - I knew what was in store if I reported, there is no way would I even bother - besides, an educated, wealthy man would never do such horrific things.