Disabled Vets (???) - opening doors for them

[Never_falter2]

A few days ago I opened a heavy door for a man who was disabled and looked like a Vet... at least to me he looked like a Vet... and that guy snarled at me “Do I look like I needed someone to open doors for me?“. Where I live there are many disabled people especially among the elderly (I think from WWII). This one was young however.
However I always try to be nice with the disabled especially if they look like they are a vet but sometimes they seem to be annoyed/offended with me and I get a reaction like this... this guys offended reaction in turn offended me because I already work my ass off for my vet... which of course he could not know... and I feel that I still hold a grudge at this individual I do not even know... and at the same time wonder if it wasn’t right to open the door for him.

Did I do something wrong or was he just being grumpy? Is this about manliness for them. I never got the same reaction for helping disabled ladies.

 

[scout86]

You didn't do anything wrong, IMO. But opening doors, or having them opened for you, means different things to different people.

Where I live, and where I grew up, it seems like whoever gets to the door first opens the door and holds it for anyone else passing through. I had a good friend, from central TX, whose father would have smacked him upside the head for failing to open a door for "a lady". (I loved to open doors for him, just to watch him struggle with what to do. LOL)

Some people, when you open a door for them, are going to take it to mean you don't think they can do it for themselves. I'm guessing that's all this was. Not about you, but about him and where he was at. But, you might want to be careful about assuming you can tell a veteran by how they look.

 

[Never_falter2]

Where I am from people open doors for the ladies and for the disabled... and he was disabled and struggling to open a heavy door. So I just wanted to be nice.
I am not sure if he was a vet. I just think he looked like it and wanted to be nice.

 

[LuckiLee]

You did nothing wrong. He was just having a bad day and was grumpy. Keep doing kind and helpful things. The world needs more of that. :)

 

[Freida]

You did nothing wrong. He was just having a bad day and was grumpy. Keep doing kind and helpful things. The world needs more of that. :)

this ^^^^ :)

 

[Sweetpea76]

Yep. I would have opened the door too. It’s not condescending, it’s polite.

My vet will sometimes get snarky about people helping him too, but it’s more about him having a knot in his undies than the random stranger being nice. It was worse when he was “newly disabled”. He had to “get over himself”, as he put it, and realize people were just being polite. He had to look at it logically. He’s visibly disabled, and because of the nature of his injuries he has to switch his cane from one hand to another to open a door. Nobody polite is going stand there, watching that, and expect the disabled guy to open the door for them. Most people aren’t going to drop the door shut on the guy with a cane either, unless they’re total assholes... although that does happen.

In reality, the vast majority of people will hold the door open. Even for my vet who is as big as a bear. Even when I am with him. It’s just polite.

I agree that guy was having some kind of personal issue going on. You weren’t in the wrong.

 

[Friday]

When people get grumpy I flirt outrageously with them.

It’s hardly accurate, but assuming they’re grumpy because they wanted to open the door for me and I’ve beaten them to it (rather than it being awkward to open it themselves), changes the entire tone of the encounter. Although I do miss being married. What would my husband think if I let handsome strangers open the door for me?!? Almost always provoked a smile or a laugh, and it let them know off the bat I was going to let them go on their way, rather than pestering them. (I’m ugly as sin, but I’ve got a great pair of tits. So it sort of balances out.)

Just doing my bit. :sneaky:

 

[Never_falter2]

@Friday That sounds like a great idea.