loyaltojesus
New Here
I have been married to my husband who has PTSD for over 3 years and we have a 20 month old and I am 5 months pregnant. I believe my husband is having a really bad PTSD relapse. I know most people will scoff at my spiritual views, but please be respectful, if you can.
I am very glad I found this site. The first thing I want to say, is if you are married to someone with PTSD, the answer is "No"...you are not crazy. You are not imagining this. And "no" it is not your fault. Altho it took me a long time to figure that out, it doesn't make it hurt any less. I know not to take it personal, but that doesnt make it hurt any less either.
I knew my husband for 13 years as we grew up together. He went through a terrible divorce while he was in Iraq. He served 7 years and was in several explosions. He is 100% disabled and has one of the highest ratings for PTSD. Just weeks after I married him I went to Germany where he was stationed. I was calling my mom asking her if I made a mistake. We both had just turned to God and were new Christians as well. We were both struggling to find who we were as people, and how to be married with eachother, while also trying to get him help for PTSD, that he had hidden from his COs for a long time.
I truely believe that if it was not for the grace of God, we would NOT still be together.
Many concepts in scripture helped me: the idea of sacrificing my needs for his, denying my fleshly response of being offended all the time, getting my self-acceptance and self-worth from God alone (since my husband is incappable of giving me any kind validation and is emotionally dead sometimes).
One of the hardest things was going a year with the Docs changing his meds and me not being in counseling. If you are with someone with PTSD, you need to get into counseling immediately. Period. And YES, you probably have a form of PTSD because of the trauma you experience from your mate, whether its emotional or physical. And find another spouse you can talk to. The best break through I've had it going to the wounded warrior house in San Antonio and talking to other spouses. We could finish eachother's sentances. It was then that I realised I was not crazy, and soon got into counselling after that.
One of the most terrible things, is trying to pin point triggers. Half the time I was making it worse for him. One time I called him racist because he didnt want to sit in a church service with a middle eastern man preaching. I was such an idiot. And then, when he would close up and cut me off, I would nag and nag and pry and push. I just couldnt shut up. I just couldnt leave him alone. It was TERRIBLE. Once I learned his triggers, things got a lot better. And it would always make me think I had done something wrong when he wanted to be alone. We found out he was unable to tell me what was wrong. So I told him, he didnt have to tell me WHAT was bothering him. He just had to say the word "PTSD" and then I would back off. If that was the only word he could mutter, it was enough to get me off his back.
The ONE and ONLY time I have seen my husband free from PTSD is a few month span last year. We go to a spirit filled church where people speak in tongues and miracle healings happen and we see all kinds of supernatural stuff. One day he just randomly went forward and wanted to be prayed over, which honestly freaked me out, cause he doesnt want anything to do with anyone, ever. After they prayed over him, he started speaking in tongues, and I noticed in the next few months that he wasnt having nightmares, and he was actually showing me affection and being helpful around the house.
A few moths went buy, and he was ministering to people with me. He was laying hands on people for prayer. He was up in front of the entire congregation with our pastor ministering to people. OPPOSITE of PTSD!!!! He was totally healed. I could not believe it. A few months went by and I had a dream that a terrorist was attacking us, shooting at my husband and at my daughter. I did not understand the dream then, but God was wanting me to pray for him. I believe there has been a spiritual attack on my husband, and it is also affecting my daughter.
After that dream, his nightmares returned, and he went back into this emotional dead zone. He pushed away from church. He only wants to show affection to me when he wants sex. Otherwise he wont touch me or talk to me. He sleeps ALL DAY LONG. He wont help me with our daughter, and he seems increasingly angry. I am officially calling this a relapse.
I know if God healed him once he can and will heal him again. I'm wondering if anyone has ever seen someone else make such a break though, and then have such a terrible relapse? It seems almost harder this time. I think because it felt so awesome to have this wonderful version of my husband torn from my fingers. Its almost like I fogot how terrible this is. I'm still leaning on God, but I find myself being insensitive and unable to just "suck it up" like I did before. It may be hormones from being pregnant, but I did it just fine the first pregnancy. I'm so confused. I find myself being disgusted with him, and then praying for God to help me forgive him. It helps for a few days, and then I just find myself wanting to be on a different planet from him. I want to be here for him, but I just don't know if I am capable right now. I don't want to leave him or anything. I just feel so hopeless. I keep asking God "When will this ever end? Will it ever end?"
Like I said, I have gotten really good at coping and avoiding his triggers. But I'm just so tired and so hurt...
I am very glad I found this site. The first thing I want to say, is if you are married to someone with PTSD, the answer is "No"...you are not crazy. You are not imagining this. And "no" it is not your fault. Altho it took me a long time to figure that out, it doesn't make it hurt any less. I know not to take it personal, but that doesnt make it hurt any less either.
I knew my husband for 13 years as we grew up together. He went through a terrible divorce while he was in Iraq. He served 7 years and was in several explosions. He is 100% disabled and has one of the highest ratings for PTSD. Just weeks after I married him I went to Germany where he was stationed. I was calling my mom asking her if I made a mistake. We both had just turned to God and were new Christians as well. We were both struggling to find who we were as people, and how to be married with eachother, while also trying to get him help for PTSD, that he had hidden from his COs for a long time.
I truely believe that if it was not for the grace of God, we would NOT still be together.
Many concepts in scripture helped me: the idea of sacrificing my needs for his, denying my fleshly response of being offended all the time, getting my self-acceptance and self-worth from God alone (since my husband is incappable of giving me any kind validation and is emotionally dead sometimes).
One of the hardest things was going a year with the Docs changing his meds and me not being in counseling. If you are with someone with PTSD, you need to get into counseling immediately. Period. And YES, you probably have a form of PTSD because of the trauma you experience from your mate, whether its emotional or physical. And find another spouse you can talk to. The best break through I've had it going to the wounded warrior house in San Antonio and talking to other spouses. We could finish eachother's sentances. It was then that I realised I was not crazy, and soon got into counselling after that.
One of the most terrible things, is trying to pin point triggers. Half the time I was making it worse for him. One time I called him racist because he didnt want to sit in a church service with a middle eastern man preaching. I was such an idiot. And then, when he would close up and cut me off, I would nag and nag and pry and push. I just couldnt shut up. I just couldnt leave him alone. It was TERRIBLE. Once I learned his triggers, things got a lot better. And it would always make me think I had done something wrong when he wanted to be alone. We found out he was unable to tell me what was wrong. So I told him, he didnt have to tell me WHAT was bothering him. He just had to say the word "PTSD" and then I would back off. If that was the only word he could mutter, it was enough to get me off his back.
The ONE and ONLY time I have seen my husband free from PTSD is a few month span last year. We go to a spirit filled church where people speak in tongues and miracle healings happen and we see all kinds of supernatural stuff. One day he just randomly went forward and wanted to be prayed over, which honestly freaked me out, cause he doesnt want anything to do with anyone, ever. After they prayed over him, he started speaking in tongues, and I noticed in the next few months that he wasnt having nightmares, and he was actually showing me affection and being helpful around the house.
A few moths went buy, and he was ministering to people with me. He was laying hands on people for prayer. He was up in front of the entire congregation with our pastor ministering to people. OPPOSITE of PTSD!!!! He was totally healed. I could not believe it. A few months went by and I had a dream that a terrorist was attacking us, shooting at my husband and at my daughter. I did not understand the dream then, but God was wanting me to pray for him. I believe there has been a spiritual attack on my husband, and it is also affecting my daughter.
After that dream, his nightmares returned, and he went back into this emotional dead zone. He pushed away from church. He only wants to show affection to me when he wants sex. Otherwise he wont touch me or talk to me. He sleeps ALL DAY LONG. He wont help me with our daughter, and he seems increasingly angry. I am officially calling this a relapse.
I know if God healed him once he can and will heal him again. I'm wondering if anyone has ever seen someone else make such a break though, and then have such a terrible relapse? It seems almost harder this time. I think because it felt so awesome to have this wonderful version of my husband torn from my fingers. Its almost like I fogot how terrible this is. I'm still leaning on God, but I find myself being insensitive and unable to just "suck it up" like I did before. It may be hormones from being pregnant, but I did it just fine the first pregnancy. I'm so confused. I find myself being disgusted with him, and then praying for God to help me forgive him. It helps for a few days, and then I just find myself wanting to be on a different planet from him. I want to be here for him, but I just don't know if I am capable right now. I don't want to leave him or anything. I just feel so hopeless. I keep asking God "When will this ever end? Will it ever end?"
Like I said, I have gotten really good at coping and avoiding his triggers. But I'm just so tired and so hurt...
