Disappointed With The Chat Room

[Sammyiam]

Hi everyone on the PTSD site,

I suppose I'm putting myself up to get a lot of people telling me off for what I'm saying but I would just like to say a few things, which I would never normally put my hand up as I'm always to scared of getting told off.

When I first joined this site the first thing I ever went into was the chat room, I so enjoyed just going onto this site to say hello to people when I was feeling a bit down or just having a few problems. The very first night I came on I was so scared to talk as I have huge problems with thinking I'm going to get into trouble, so me writing this is a big thing.

I had am amazing night and everyone was so nice and very welcoming and I just fell in love with this site, I thought I had found the answers to a lot of my problems, really helpful people that were so nice and just amazing to talk to. But the biggest thing I liked the most, was a group of people that had been through stuff that I had been through. I remember that night with a smile on my face. I was so excited and loved logging in to see who was on.

I haven't had any really bad experiences on here with chat or anywhere else so please don't get me wrong.

The night Anthony came onto chat for a hour or so has helped me so much, I have looked back on the notes he sent me a lot of times and it has been so helpful, I was in a really bad space and I have been under a lot of stress lately with family problems, like a lot on here, so if you read this Thank You very much Anthony.

The last few weeks I have noticed that the chat room has changed, I come on now and I see people having a go at each other, going off as soon as someone they don't like comes on, ignoring each other, I could go on for ages and I am definitely not pointing a finger at anyone so please please the last thing I want to do is for someone to think I'm having a go at any one person, that is the furthest thing from my mind, all I would love to see happen is for everyone to please care a little for each other we are all in this together, we all have PTSD in some way or another, we all have different triggers, we all have different symptoms, we are all here to get support and to give support. Not to block, ignore, disappear, or just have a go at each other.

I know that it is the hardest thing in my life I have ever had to go through and I am the same as everyone else on here, I am sure most people on here would agree with me 100%. But lately the empathy and support for people is starting to look like school children in a school playground. We are all past that and the main thing I feel is we are here to help everyone.

Please please can we all be on here to help each other and set aside the other stuff we are all going through stuff and it's got to be easier with everyone pulling together as one. We are all a lot stronger as one and we all have a very long and bumpy road to travel, please just be there for each other.

 

[BlueBear]

Don't think anyone would be offended. I've only just got here so i haven't really viewed these problems, but with anything traumatic it effects everyone's behaviour.

To get on it's just a matter of understanding that it's easier to hurt people online. This is mainly because we cannot perceive the emotional effects our written words will have until it's already too late.

 

[digger]

To get on it's just a matter of understanding that it's easier to hurt people online. This is mainly because we cannot perceive the emotional effects our written words will have until it's already too late.

I think that's a good point. I think with 'chat' you add in the factor of it being faster paced than other threads here. When you post a thread, or a comment on a thread, you have time to read and review it to check you're saying what you want to say, before hitting post, whereas in chat people respond instantly, which is possibly where some of the problems come from as there is more scope for miscommunication and misunderstanding.

I don't know, I tend to avoid it for that reason because I need time to think before I speak, and by the time I've decided what I'm saying and how to say, the conversation's moved on without me! ;)

There have been times I've looked at it and thought it looked like an argument in a playground. Other times there have been people going into their trauma stories in some detail which I find difficult......I guess I just find it too unpredictable.

I tend to just pick what works for me and leave what doesn't.

If it's an ongoing problem though, it could be offputting for new members if that's the first thing they see of the forum, but I'd hope that most people would look around a bit more and see how supportive this place is on the whole.

If you think someone is actually attacking another person, you have the option to report it. You also have the option to click 'ignore', although I appreciate that can make threads hard to follow, and I imagine even more so with conversations in chat.

 

[Noone.]

In the beginning this site was fun but it got to be to restricted and a lot of good people left. I realized it was more a trigger at that point. So now I stay away and leave the therapy to the one's with actual degrees. Fire.

 

[Philippa]

I've noticed the same in chat lately...and on the forums. Seems like this can happen when the same people see each other every single day online. It can happen in groups offline as well, so it may just be a matter of we're all just a bit over it. But yeah, I don't come here that often any more. It's definitely changed.

 

[digger]

In the beginning this site was fun but it got to be to restricted and a lot of good people left.

I think most people come here for support rather than fun, although a bit of humour and lighter stuff helps too. There are still a lot of good people here.

I agree though with keeping therapy with your therapist, but the peer support from here has been a really helpful addition to that for me.

That's kind of getting away from the issues @Sammyiam has with the chat room though I think.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

Please please can we all be on here to help each other and set aside the other stuff we are all going through stuff and it's got to be easier with everyone pulling together as one. We are all a lot stronger as one and we all have a very long and bumpy road to travel, please just be there for each other.

@Sammyiam When I joined this site 15 months ago the one place I felt safe and able to relax a bit was the chat room.

For my tuppence opinion, I feel that recent quarrels should have a firm line drawn underneath them. As you rightly say above we are in part here to seek our own individual peace of mind but we are also here as a support network for each other. Suffering alone with PTSD is just that, a very lonely and depressing place to be.

I agree though with keeping therapy with your therapist, but the peer support from here has been a really helpful addition to that for me.

Again as @digger quite rightly puts it, peer support is a very important part of recovery and understanding/learning from each other.

Laurie

 

[StarChild]

In the beginning this site was fun but it got to be to restricted and a lot of good people left.

I don't understand what you mean by restricted @firehouse9south,. What got to be restricted? Could you please clarify what exactly you mean by this statement of yours? Thank you in advance.

 

[ButterflyBean]

Hi, I just wanted to say that I could not agree more with the original poster and a few others with the same viewpoint. I don't post much, partly because of my physical disability and what it takes to type everything out. But more so because I just want support rather than conversations becoming debates. It's happened a few times recently, and that's not what I'm here for. I realize everyone has a choice as to whether or not to use this forum, so take what I'm saying for what it's worth to you. I'm afraid to post or chat for fear of being unsupported, which I felt in the last few weeks. There are a few members I talk to regularly, and I still read every day, but it doesn't calm my anxiety like it used to and it's not the same. Remember, this is just my opinion and nothing else!

 

[Julie50]

I just joined this site and I agree with the original post. I saw some comparing of illness or impact and I think that in mental illness as in other areas (like grief for example) that comparing or elevating/minimizing degree of impairment or impact is a very unhealthy damaging route to take in one's comment. New people may be searching for answers, clarity, empathy etc not to feel disqualified

 

[Chava]

Empathy would seem important on a site like this. It helps me to understand that even if I can't see people face to face, there is often a hurting person, who might already be in an extra vulnerable place, on the other side of the post. I don't use chat much at all. But I've noticed some of the staff (not all) have had the most invalidating and rude responses (telling my to pull myself up by my bootstraps, admitting empathy is not their thing, telling me that AA in America is a failure when it's helped me stay sober 10+ years)... I've lost motivation to even provide supportive responses to others. But I'll note I did get some good support a while ago.

It's not that staff on a forum really need to model any behavior for anyone, but they do have a part in setting the tone and showing what level of sensitivity is acceptable. Also, do they just send messages correcting paragraph structure or do they send messages encouraging others to consider their tone, or that they might be acting like a$sholes. ? Moderation on other sites runs more along these lines. Setting an empathetic tone, not correcting composition (sorry, this isn't directly about chat, but overall I am also not really impressed by the tone of the whole site quite often).

But also, we're all adults, and if chat is terrible, anyone should feel free to call others out...but also, just LEAVE chat and stop arguing or playing turf or opinion wars or whatever. Like bad therapy, if we don't feel supported but rather invalidated, move along.

 

[GWhizz]

I have actually been considering getting involved in chat on this site, though I have never really had the time to commit to engaging for more than a post or two at a time.

I think maybe we just have to accept the good and bad, ups and downs among this site, just as there will always be highs and lows and clashes in any human relationship. Unfortunately we cannot all agree. Though I do agree with you @Sammyiam and think you've made a fair point that you would expect people to show more consideration on a site that is promoted to support eachother.

I'm glad you found @anthony to be of great support and I hope that you can continue to get such support and won't refrain from using chat now. Maybe I'll pop on later tonight for a chat if I have time though I'm sure we're hours apart in timezones! :)