Sufferer Disassociated And Numb

[Marie76]

Hi!
Recently diagnosed with PTSD. I also have major depression which I've been on meds for 20 years. For the past few years I've had difficulty with disassociation, numbness, memory loss. This state is ruining my marriage of 10 years. My husband says he loves me unconditionally, he loves me despite the fact we are companions only. Sounds like a ladies dream to be loved unconditionally. However, I'd rather be alone than drag him down my rabbit hole. It's like I'm constantly aware of this state I'm in just by being married. I want out of my marriage. I just don't know how to tell him... Hoping I can find the strength through this forum.

 

[Esterio]

Welcome and thanks for the post Marie76
I am sorry for where you find yourself at this time it is a bad situation. I was there several years ago myself. I left my whole life behind and now I have no support. I wished I could have found a way to stay. I am glad you found this place you are not alone in this. There are lots of caring supportive people around here. I hope that you find the answers you need I am here lots if you want to talk I'm willing to listen.
Peace be safe

 

[Marie76]

Welcome and thanks for the post Marie76
I am sorry for where you find yourself at this time it is a ba...

Thank you! Don't want to sound callous about my marriage, but I'm not ready to hash out my own issues. Feel like I've been hit by a freight train. I know I need to, but it's important for me to go into therapy wanting to be in therapy. I don't know when that will be. I've spent over 30 years of my life in various abusive situations. I can't imagine working on my marriage without first working on me.

 

[Esterio]

Thank you! Don't want to sound callous about my marriage, but I'm not ready to hash out my own issues....

You are between a rock and a hard place. I do know how you feel I have been right where you are now. Good luck I hope you Find the answers you need
Peace be safe

 

[Deadman]

I can't imagine working on my marriage without first working on me.

Sounds to me that you have the priority right. Nobody can save you from PTSD. If you want to beat it you have to do the hard work yourself. Therapy is a good first step but its not clear to me if you are getting it or merely thinking about it. Regardless, the decision whether or not there is room in your recovery for your husband, is your's and your's alone.

 

[Marie76]

Sounds to me that you have the priority right. Nobody can save you from PTSD. If you want to beat it yo...

Thank you Deadman. I am starting therapy again. I suppose what I'm saying is I'm only focusing my therapy on me not my marriage. I really do appreciate the thoughts, advice and experiences shared. Thank you.

 

[Deadman]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with self care. Having the self knowledge to know that you need it and that you need it before you can think about the marriage issues should make your choices clearer if not any easier.

May you make the best choice for you and yours.