Dissociation And Flashbacks

[sonicwhite]

This is how it all started. I didn't get what I thought I deserved so I turned my back on God. The very day I did that I got hit with a very stigmatized OCD theme that I rather would not share. Going a month with this anxiety fueled theme I decided to smoke weed. And that's when the Gods judgment theme came. The whole time I thought I was dealing with pure o OCD. It was all a flashback of the nightmare psychosis I had when I turned twenty. I thought I was already dead and the earth was what my heart consist of..Everything in the world was my fault so I was standing before a unseen God that was about to judge me. I would stay in my bed awaiting this doom to happen. After seeing docs from docs who just wanted to throw AP's and AD'S. I finally met a doc with compassion. He prescribed me klonopin. I felt so much relief. But that was back in 08. It is now 2015 and the nightmares are just getting worse. I'm fine during the day but fear every time I sleep. Ugh when will this cluster of mental illnesses go away.

 

[darrenS]

if he is supposedly an all loving god , why would he punish you as such ?

 

[sonicwhite]

That is the root of the disorder. It's not the basis of having faith.

 

[shimmerz]

nightmares are just getting worse. I'm fine during the day but fear every time I sleep

This is such a horrible feeling, this terrified of sleep thing. It really undermines ones physical and mental health. There is a post about visualization that may be helpful. The beginning of it is a bit bumpy because it wasn't quoted properly at the beginning, but it may give you some 'before bed' strategies as well as awake ones that may help with your sleep.

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/visualization-and-therapy.41725/page-2
Best of luck @sonicwhite :hug:

 

[Mirlat]

Sonicwhite, fear is not from God. ('For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.' 2 Tim 1:7) Fight off fear with faith...and all you need is faith the size of a mustard seed, so you've got this. Ask God to forgive you for turning your back on Him. Spend time learning more about Him (Bible, youtube Christian music or sermons, etc.). If fear comes tonight, stand strong on the scripture above and/or play one of those Christian songs. Don't forget to ask God to help you manage the episodes. God has given us free will, so He won't work in our lives unless we ask. You and all PTSD sufferers are in my prayers.

 

[sonicwhite]

I know that I will keep persevering until I have obtained the quality of life we all desire. I know God does scourge His children when they mess up bad. But PTSD. HAS nothing to do with Him saying He loves me. I just suffer like all of us here.

 

[Ocean5]

@Link Removed Have you tried Prazosin for nightmares?

I'm just speaking from my personal experience (maybe it will help you - maybe it won't.) But sometimes we are taught some bad things about religion and God as kids...(used against us?)

Most religions around the world, and spiritual belief systems, consider Jesus either a God or Great Prophet. He wouldn't judge you. He'd open his hand and sit with you.

Here's an interfaith discussion (podcast) with leaders from different beliefs - yet so similar at core (Christianity, Judaism, Buddhism, Islam). I find it helpful and hopeful. It's about happiness, pain, suffering, overcoming... Maybe it will help you. Link Removed It helps me.

Also, someone sent me a daily reading book called "Jesus Calling". While I don't read it everyday - when things get bad I do..

 

[sonicwhite]

@Ocean5 I take six mg of Prazosin but it seems that when we raise the dose the nightmares go away for like three weeks then return......How high can it go on the BP med.....I don't want to faint.....

 

[sonicwhite]

Any takers?

 

[joeylittle]

How high can it go on the BP med.....I don't want to faint.....

That's really something only your prescriber can answer; the safe dose range for you will relate to a whole lot of other health things. Sometimes it can really help me if I do meditation before sleep. Also, this for some reason helps me not remember nightmares - not all the time, but quite often:Delta Sleep System

 

[Ocean5]

@Ocean5 I take six mg of Prazosin but it seems that when we raise the dose the nightmares go away for like three weeks then return......How high can it go on the BP med.....I don't want to faint.....

I couldn't stay on it due to side-effects. But not fainting (but warned about that.)