After my big T I spent the next 30 days in this very strange state of hyper efficiency. It was like my batteries were fully charged despite zero amounts of sleep for days on end. Hyper- concentration, and it always felt like my body was one step ahead of my thought process. A plate would fall, and I would catch it before I knew what I was doing. My emotions however were gone. I would look at a beautiful sun set with all of my favorite colors and felt nothing. nada zilch. I guess it was a good thing. My mind knew it couldn't cope with all of the death. The doctors said it was either my adrenaline or adrenaline that was through the roof. I don't remember which. I just know nothing felt real for a long time afterwards. Of course I crashed and burned hard after that.
Anyways, a lot has happened lately. Nothing traumatic, but a large variety of stressors. Some of the, are things that would be normally very painful. Some of it involving medical issues, some involving my abuser them telling me they have a clear conscious. :rolleyes: Some of it I brought on my self either through things I was avoiding coming to a head or things I decided to face that I had been avoiding on my own. Other stuff has to do with major changes for my husband which I am along the ride for like it or not. And of course my best friend abandoning me for her newest love interest..I get it, she is in the trows of falling in love high and wants every second she can get with him, but I still feel abandoned.
Anyways, I am in that super hyper efficiency place again. Yeah I have been though a lot recently, but nothing like my trauma, can't even compare my current situation to what happened 15 years ago and last I checked, people aren't dropping dead around me.
So why do I feel this way, and what is it? It seems the rest of the world is playing in constant slow mo.
Anyways, a lot has happened lately. Nothing traumatic, but a large variety of stressors. Some of the, are things that would be normally very painful. Some of it involving medical issues, some involving my abuser them telling me they have a clear conscious. :rolleyes: Some of it I brought on my self either through things I was avoiding coming to a head or things I decided to face that I had been avoiding on my own. Other stuff has to do with major changes for my husband which I am along the ride for like it or not. And of course my best friend abandoning me for her newest love interest..I get it, she is in the trows of falling in love high and wants every second she can get with him, but I still feel abandoned.
Anyways, I am in that super hyper efficiency place again. Yeah I have been though a lot recently, but nothing like my trauma, can't even compare my current situation to what happened 15 years ago and last I checked, people aren't dropping dead around me.
So why do I feel this way, and what is it? It seems the rest of the world is playing in constant slow mo.
