Distancing Yourself From Family & Friends. Anyone Else Do This? Why?

[WonderingWhy]

I am not sure why, but lately I have VERY much isolating myself from everyone. I didn't think much about it until a voice mail that a friend left me. She said she was concerned about me, because I don't answer or return her calls. She said she figured I must be not be in good spirits. Hmmmmm??Link Removed

That made me wonder, I knew I "Just didn't feel like talking with anyone" but was I really avoiding it? When I thought about it, it was a no brainer!! That's exactly what I have been doing.

When my phone rings I almost feel sick at the thought of talking. I barely leave the house as it is. Has anyone else done this? Any idea why I feel sick or uncomfortable or anxious about talking with my friends or family? I am really not sure why I am or how to fix it, or really if it is even a good idea to try.

Please share any thoughts or ideas! Link Removed

 

[cherryblossom]

Isolating your self is a very common response to trauma. It somehow seems easier not to have to deal with anyone or anything. That way no one can hurt us, or stress us out.

Welcome back to the forum, by the way. We've missed having you around Link Removed

But equally, isolating ourselves for a long period will probably do us no good. The vast majority of people need other human contact. It is a normal need, along with love and support, acceptance - and it's also fun! And the longer we isolate - the harder it is to get back out there. The only way to overcome it, is to force yourself to socialise. Start small. Maybe invite a close friend or family round for a coffee. You don't have to talk about anything deep and meaningful - just a bit of lighthearted chit chat. Find out what your friends have been doing. I haven't got much time, so I'll stop there for now (I might come back to this later).

 

[felix]

Yes I do this as well. Other than work I shut myself away for nearly eighteen months. Shunned family and friends. Quit hobbies and dropped out of school.

I now go to the other extreme and work full-time, study part-time and have three 'active' hobbies on the go. Yet I still am not particularly close to anyone. I can walk into a room filled with strangers (lectures etc.) but wouldn't dream of going to any of the activities or social events that are arranged. I hope to, at some point.

It is hard to trust, and sometimes the stress of trauma takes over any willingness to do so.

Your friend sounds nice x

 

[Lucycat]

I too, isolate myself as I am sure most people on here do, or have done at some point.

Initially it was very severe and I did not want to see or speak to anyone. I was scared of the world. Scared that someone would speak to me. Scared of my own reactions if someone so much as looked at me. My T. encouraged me to get out. Small steps, and like CB says just meeting one friend for a coffee or something. Then I would go to the pub with Rory, but only if it was nearly empty & hide in a corner and only stay for about half an hour. I found it really hard, but gradually improved.

I sill isolate myself to a lesser degree. Laura, 'forces' me out when she notices I have been out of circulation for a while. It is the push that I need, and I know that if I am not up to it, I can go to her house rather than us both going out.

Recently I suddenly became aware that I had not physically been in a shop for over a month. It was like deja vu as this time last year I was unable to go out at all. When I became aware that Jan 2010 was too much like Jan 2011 I forced myself to go to the supermarket with Rory.Once I had been I was happy to do other shopping and have been a few times since.

Isolation is not good for us in the longer term, but it is hard to fight the need to isolate when depression hits in.

 

[Hlost]

I'm the queen of isolators! For the past 10yrs I have spent more time by myself than ever before. It's fairly easy now because in 2006 I had to go on Disability. Though I have tried to work part time I had trouble with the audio hallucinations and inability to focus. I have been horrible about being consistent with contact with anyone local so I have no local friends though they I have a few numbers. I did get involved with the local NAMI group and take all their courses and attend their conferences but when my flashbacks hit I was undone.

I fear that my mood swings will scare them. What if I have a flashback and are unable to pull it together? I find I can barely get dressed some days or bathe. Most of the time I am fearful to even post here. I force myself to make calls to family. Last I forced myself to go see family. It's very difficult to remember everyone's birthdays and them on the holidays, I go into a COMPLETE panic!!! I do, it's silly but I completely stress out. All the while I have bouts of Migraine that they are doing experimental treatments on for.

So, I guess I would have to say I'm a 'yes' on that one Link Removed

 

[Lucycat]

Hi. Sorry to be dumb but what is NAMI?

 

[Nicolette]

NAMI - National Alliance on Mental Illness ......... nami.org

 

[Marie E.]

Isolating your self is a very common response to trauma. It somehow seems easier not to have to deal with anyone or anything. That way no one can hurt us, or stress us out.

Yup CB this must explain me right now as I am feel most unsociable right now. Don't want to do much, low energy, no picking up the phone, though I do, but I don't. I know I will get past this.

And WW you are not alone. I'm no stranger to isolation.

 

[Abrasky]

Isolation is a very common aspect of sexual abuse to start with so it often becomes one of those things that tend to become a problem later when we recover.

I was isloated from family, by my dad telling them lies about me. He wasn't trying to save other people from my bad behavior(my inner critic), he made up lies so nobody would believe me if I told them he sexually abused me.

I find it hard to get out of isolation now, because I think I am trying to remmember what happened to me so I can heal. My mind thinks if it sits in isolating for a bit, it might remember a few things about the time I was isloated. We have a battle with each other sometimes. It is a bit like ping pong.

I have to push myself to not be isolated. I think if I push myself, I tend to have wonderful experiences. Even if there are a few, it was so worth having them.

 

[WonderingWhy]

When you say you pushed yourself, how did you accomplish this?

 

[Abrasky]

I accomplish it by saying, ok, I am taking bub to playgroup today. Playgroup is good for him. It is good for him not to be isolated. It makes me think hey it's not good for me to be isolated either. I make up my mind to float over over my anxiety(A technique got that from the Claire Weeks Book,) Playgroup is good for him so we are going. I can just be quiet and let him socialise and play(So I find a way to make it more permissable to my anxiety- the path of least resistance. I try to work with my anxiety than against it. I don't like getting close to people, so if I try not to, a lot of my triggers don't get activated and I feel like I have power over my anxiety. It's sort of avoiding to avoid avoiding. I doesn't work all the time, but it works for me a bit. I usually end up saying a few words to people and coming out of my shell as I feel I have the choice. Hope that makes sense.

 

[WonderingWhy]

It does make sense. I just don't feel I am at that point yet.:(
If you don't mind, could you tell me more about the Claire Weeks book?