trying2movefwd
Diamond Member
I filed the divorce papers via my attorney recently. . . My abusive past will soon become just that. ..my past...I am starting a new chapter in my life. It was exactly a year ago that I landed in a psychiatric hospital due to my soon to be x's triggering. ..through a particular abusive situation in which I prefer to leave the details out of...anyway he triggered 10 years of childhood abuse through that action. When things started happening to my kids, I had my "this is all my fault, im not worth living phase "...once in the hospital I realized just how free I felt without him, in fact I didn't even miss him. I have since then we were together for almost 14 years. . . Of course there are still flashbacks, dissacosiation, hypervigilance, untrust, fear, shame, anger, and deep rooted hurt to work through, but when I am able to pull myself into the present, in the here and now, there is no more abuse happening, only when I lose sight of the here and now and end up abusing myself. No more domestic violence and no more child abuse is happening to me or my children now. We are free to enjoy peace, happiness, and love in a way I never have before and in a way my kids will grow up knowing. . . if only my body and heart could catch up to what my mind already knows...at least for today anyway.
