Do I Dare Hope To Ever Get "better" Enough To Lead A Happy, Joyful Life?

[storycat]

Wow, this board has been helpful and a real downer. So many people talk about constant cognitive behavioral therapy and just continually pulling yourself up, and never really feelling like you used to. I'm really frightenned. I tried that constantly pulling yourself up thing years ago when I fell into a depression in a foreign country and got a second case of PTSD. And you know what happenned? I ended up with psychosis and a hallucination? Are there ANY cases of people recovering enoough to feel like they did before the PTSD or even better than before PTSD? I don't know who to believe anymore. Can you, or can't you recover enough to live a healthy, happy life?

 

[frozen]

Even though I haven't really even begun to heal...I do believe that life can become "joyful" again to a certain extent. Never fully back to how we were, but rather starting fresh as a new person.

I'm trying to let go of the old me and accept that I will never be that person again, life changes, and thus we become different people. Being a "new person" doesn't have to be a bad thing, however, it is so hard to get to that place where we can accept ourselves the way we are now and stop focusing on who we're not anymore.

Just lately I have started to repeat to myself that I am not PTSD, I may have it, but it is not who I am.
I know it's helping some because I am not thinking of the PTSD 24/7 as I was before, thinking more of it as a condition I have that is just part me now, and trying to slowly find a middle ground.

Good days and bad days are a part of life, we live through the bad days and live for the good ones!

 

[Ted Moen]

Yes. It's a matter of learning the specifics of your case (symptoms, triggers), processing and reframing the intense thoughts and feelings with the support of a clinical psychologist, learning self-awareness (mindfulness), refocusing on your current situation and developing a set of activities and relationships appropriate to your current self in your current situation.

Ted

 

[Bubba]

I think you can. I don't know who I was before PTSD as I developed PTSD at a very young age. It has affected my life decisions and created several re-traumatization scenarios in my life. But now that I'm older, I realize what I have and what I need to do to control the symptoms. I have reorganized my life so that the stressors are down and I truly focus on taking care of ME. Doing what I need - and not worrying too much about other people. Recently this has changed so much in my life. I can honestly say that today - I am happy and joyful. I know if put back into a stressful situation, my PTSD would likely sneak back up on me and create the anxiety again. So what do I do - I make sure that I keep my life simple and do only the things that I truly enjoy.

 

[piratelady]

I second what Ted and Frozen said. Unfortunately PTSD sticks with us. Our stress cups will never be empty. That being said, we can learn to navigate through our triggers and manage your stress. As you work through this you will be able to build the skills you need to manage your triggers and begin to live a full life. It takes time to work through it, it's not an easy road to go down, but I believe it will be worth it in the end.

 

[p-no]

I think, the reason for you getting so many different replies to the question as to whether healing is possible, is because there are so many different people and so many "shades" of PTSD. A few weeks ago I met with a woman who had only just been diagnosed with PTSD. She asked me how long it would take for her to heal. That was like a flashback but me in a different position; many, many years ago I had asked another woman the very same question and she had replied what I said which is that there is no answer. Every person is unique and their PTSD is unique.

One thing I know from experience though: it is possible to not hurt anymore about a past trauma. It is possible to remember all about it and have access to those memories at any time you want to and talk about it without hurting. I have been able to get this far with some of my past traumas and am working on others. I am absolutely sure that I will get over those as well, especially because I was a lot older when they happened and my brain had develop a lot more in order to understand things much, much better. This is a matter of going to my sessions and continuing down the road I chose at age 19 when I went for therapy for the first time.

There is something though that causes me trouble still and that is unfulfilled dreams. For example, I have not been able to be interested in men who are basically good persons, who are "normal" as in "non-abusive" and "meaning well". I am not saying there aren't any (I don't know), but I get drawn to others. This, so far, has resulted in more abuse although I have learned to end it a lot sooner or not even enter into any relationship at all! So, what I am struggling with is not the trauma itself or rather the traumas themselves; it's the effects they have had on me as a person that, to me, are very difficult to fight. It has been getting better and better, but I had wished my life to be different. That is a long goodbye. I have changed as a person; I have changed what I consider "healing"; I am working on changing my "dreams" to "realistic hopes". In my life I would have not survived one single day (until the age of 19) -- and I literally mean this -- if I had not come up with coping by dreaming myself away. Now one of the goals is to let go of dreaming but live in this life as it is and make it better by finding good in it that really is there, to appreciate that good and build my life around it ("good" being people who are good for me, food that is healthy, etc.).

There is a lot of possibility for "healing", although I do not use this word, as to me it gives me an image of something that I am not looking for (anymore).

 

[The Albatross]

10yrs... Your question really knocked me right between the eyes yesterday. (I am one of those who pull myself up seemingly continually - by the look of my diary.) I think that there are success stories, but that we seldom hear about them because they are no longer active here. But as they leave and don't necessarily return... I can't be certain.

I thought as I read, how sad it was... but recently a friend who just got diagnosed with PTSD and bipolar read here but decided against membership for some of the same observations you make. I am spending a lot of time in self reflection about this. Trying to determine if I have healthy enough habits and new behaviors to get out there and try a less controlled mental/emotional style of living.

Ted above is spot on in my book.. and can attest to the accuracy of all he suggests. The only part I'm not sure I've been as successful as I would like to be is the last portion, "and developing a set of activities and relationships appropriate to your current self in your current situation."

I think he worded it beautifully, appropriate to your current self in your current situation.

 

[Inspired 2 B Free]

My observation is people who just 'go through the motions' of getting better Won't Get Better. However, if you get help, work through the feelings, change behaviors you will feel better.

What several people mentioned already is true. We will never Not have PTSD. It will be with us forever. HOWEVER, the symptoms can become negligible. We can get better, feel better, be better.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am beginning to have really awesome days. I see it happening more and more. I wish I could feel this way everyday, but I am grateful for the good days I am beginning to have. I really feel great on the good days. It is a day by day journey. It is a condition where we are learning to manage our symptoms. It takes alot of work and practice.

We will never go back to the way we used to be. We have changed and grown. Growth is painful at times so we just need to remember that we do not pick the days, the days pick us.

I hope this helps bring you some comfort and encouragement.

 

[KP the nut]

I am at the stage where I have many more good days than bad. I still daily do grounding and relaxation exercises my T gave me. In addition I am much kinder to myself, if I make a mistake, I acknowledge it and move on.

 

[Hashi]

I think the board almost has an "official" view that PTSD can't be fully recovered/healed from, only managed, and there are many people who think they will always have symptoms. Personally, this isn't how I see things. It's really helpful to have thoughts and support from people going through similar things to me, but I see that as going through, not being there forever.

Like prime-no, there are traumas that I've already made peace with. Unfortunately, there are more that I have to work on. I still have to process things that have happened and the meaning they've had for me, which is difficult and daunting but I believe it's possible. I no longer have nightmares, hallucinations, flashbacks or hypervigilance, and I don't believe I'll ever have those again.

While I can see that cognitive behaviour therapy is right for many people, I don't think that means it's for everyone or the only option. It's not for me, partly because my aim is healing rather than management of the condition or pushing through things (is that what you mean by pulling yourself up?). I use other approaches, including dialectical behaviour therapy, which is for "building a life worth living".

I don't know about feeling like before because that doesn't apply to me. Perhaps its discovery more than recovery, but I believe we can all find a sense of self, enjoyment and interest, a feeling of belonging and other things that make a happy life. I struggle a lot along the way, and often I question it, but I keep trying because deep down I know that to me this is true.

 

[Loner]

Yes, my ptsd is of the complex variety, starting basically at birth, so I never really had a 'before' to compare things to, but there are times I am truly happy now. There are moments when life is beautiful and awesome and I feel at peace. They are rare but becoming more common. I think in another year or two I might even be happy most of the time. If I got there you can too.