Do You Have Trouble With Physical Touch From Another Person?

[Deaf Global Nomad]

I have a severe form of C-PTSD which I got from physical abuse, sexual abuse, and neglect while growing up from an early age. Between the ages of 4 and 14 I also had five surgeries performed on me without the use of anesthesia (e.g. appendectomy). From the time I was an infant I did not like people touching me or holding me. To this day I jump when someone even slightly touches me. If I know and trust a person I can sometimes handle a hug or a hand on my shoulder, but it is rare.

My therapists thinks this is typical for people with extensive abuse histories which would coincide with the people who have C-PTSD. So I am wondering if I am still on an extreme end or if it is more common than I thought. For those of you who have difficulty with touch, how do you negotiate that in your every day lives? Alone the concept of my ever being able to enter a romantic relationship is such an outrageous thought that it does not even enter my world of possibilities.

 

[jimmy-joe]

I didn't have it that rough but I'm really weird about touch. I'm guessing you feel vulnerable and like they are going to attack you when you get touched. It's normal, especially when the main touch or only touch you receive growing up is mean.

 

[Deaf Global Nomad]

I'm really weird about touch.

What do you mean by your being weird about touch? Can you explain how touch feels to you? or what it triggers? I'm not trying to be nosy. I just would like to know what touch feels like for others with PTSD. I'm expecting a wide range mostly depending on type of trauma and when the trauma occurred. This is not a competition. I know mine is extreme. I would just like to see what normal might be like as I work toward recovery.

 

[jimmy-joe]

For me, if someone is close, I feel a continuous urge to reach over and grab them and just hold on somehow. Especially with girls, it's really bad with girls, I can't even look at them. And then if a guy stands near me, I can feel them as if my skin is crawling, and keep getting mad and madder at them for being so close, and when I get touched, I freeze. Like if someone's foot is near mine, I keep trying to inch it away as inconspicuously as possible. This is kinda confused I guess, but basically, for girls I feel like I shouldn't be touching them, but I would like nothing better in the world than to hold and be held etc. and guys I hate them, and all touch I shy away from. IT's wierd :p

 

[cat]

At the time of diagnosis (2008) I was afraid of touch/hugging it reminded me of my trauma, how empty my ex's hugs were, how they felt like his was controlling me & would cause a flashback. Even just sitting on a bus became difficult because invariably someone came & sat next to me. I went for 2yrs not even being able to hug my own children even though i was desperate for someone to hold me together. At one stage even touching myself was a problem, taking a shower was a nightmare!
When i went into therapy my T encouraged me to have some holistic massage, the very thought just sent me into a panic. I started with a manicure, then hands followed by foot massage, indian head massage. I hated every moment at first as it would bring up so many horrible memories but the therapist was very understanding & gradually I began to find it relaxing. At one stage my T asked me to hold her hand, it left me feeling violated, she knew what it meant to me but still asked, of course once i'd had chance to calm down, i realised that she was only trying to help, allowing me to experience touch in a controlled & safe environment. I finished therapy recently but i still counldnt bring myself to shake her hand.
Over time i was able to accept gentle touch from family and now dont get it a second thought, in fact i look forward to a hug especially from one of my sons who gives bear hugs!
A few months ago i had my first head neck & back massage by a male therapist & didnt panic, I was so proud of myself. I have found it helps if I take my daughter with me.

 

[CraftyCath]

I have CPTSD from childhood trauma (physical and psychological abuse, sexual assault and trauma from being blamed for someones death when I was nursing).

I don't mind being touched by my husband or sons but I shrink from anyone else' touch. I don't like my face touched or anyone standing in my 'personal space' and I especially can't stand anyone breathing on my face, even my husband - it freaks me out.

Hope this helps DGN

 

[Srain]

I didn't use to have a problem, accept for my hair and face...everyone knew "don't touch my hair, ever!" I made it more into something funny as I had children growing up and we made it game. I would let them play around but anyone else I snapped and growled :mad:. Otherwise I craved to be cuddled and touched, however never too much unless it was sexual. It was too confusing. Never massages..I had a friend want to give me one and I panicked, tried to explained but failed, distanced myself from her, sadly.

Since my stint issue from the botch hysterectomy after I was in the throws of symptoms already, I was triggered by 3 male drs snapping rubber gloves with no emotion, all business, never addressing me personally standing for 45 minutes b/n my legs in bright lights trying to remove it. It hurt like hell, the nurse never once acknowledge me either, left with them as they did something, I have no idea what, leaving me there totally exposed:cry:. I felt myself leave and when they were done the nurse said to clean up and check out. Just like that. Since then it's been extremely limited for me any sexual intimacy. Certainly no drs down there except only when it's been dire like now.

 

[CraftyCath]

((((Srain)))) I don't let any doctor near 'there' either. I had forgotten until you mentioned it. When I was pregnant with my 2nd son I went to see the obstetrician. He made me strip naked grabbed my breasts and did a very painful (and unnecessary) internal exam. I felt shamed and next time I went I refused to let him touch me. I found out he'd done the same thing to my sister - perv!

 

[intothelight]

I am mixed about touch, When my mother touches me, I would flinch, cringe, stiffen up, and sometimes became physically ill. I can't stand for her to touch me, but then I am rarely around her.

I don't like people in my space, and I find myself backing away if they get to close. If people try to touch or hug me, I will pull away or stiffen. It makes me feel afraid, and somehow violated. I know the reaction is extreme.

I can freely give and receive affection from my own children. Really, I don't have any of those reactions with children. Hand me a baby and I will hold and cuddle them for hours. (A bit of heaven on earth.) I can receive and give affection to close female friends, but that is after a long time. Only when I trust can that protective circle be entered.

With male friends and relatives, it is a different story. Even if I trust, do not enter the circle. I will tolerate it, if I know they mean know harm. But I am forever wary and distant so there isn't even an opportunity.

 

[CraftyCath]

I know the reaction is extreme.

Not extreme ITL, just normal if you have suffered trauma. It is a trust issue with me too. i don't understand people who don't know me well wanting to hug me. Sometimes it is people I have known for years but they never spend any quality time with me but still feel they can hug me on their annual visit. I seem to sense when someone is hugging me for the wrong reasons.

 

[AlyssaAndersson]

I don't like being touched either; I mainly take issue with my step-father trying to hug me or touch me in any way. Hell, I don't like him looking at me. My skin crawls and I get these sudden bouts of anger (of course, I never act on it - I just walk away).

 

[jimmy-joe]

Yea, I'm a guy and it takes me a while to get used to someone's touch. So don't worry :D