Does Anyone Else Ever Feel Like This? A Strong Feeling Of Disgust.

[ashdawn8287]

Every once in awhile I get stuck with a strong feeling of disguist. I feel gross and I don't want to be around anyone or have a person look at me. I feel this is when I socially isolate and start ruining my sleep pattern.

I feel I still have a lot of left over feelings and I'm not sure how to work through those feelings. It seems to crush me from doing anything.I don't know how to want to leave my house. I constantly force myself when I get in this mind set.

I wish I could remember a couple events but I can't remember. Sometimes I'm glad I don't. The curiousity never leaves though.

I don't know where this disguist feeling comes from, but it isn't a good feeling. I feel I shut down when that feeling happens.

 

[Resilientbibliophile]

Greetings,

Appreciate in measure that self-loathing is part of the human condition, experiences of trauma or not. The desire to withdraw, an inclination to render self invisible even as alarm bells are heard within to the extent that we cannot be loved, that we cannot be understood, that no strict linkage may be identified between cause and effect even though we may feel on the cusp of understanding is something basic, and so human.

Some aspects of the mechanism(s) behind habitual self-loathing (even if restricted to moments of melancholy every now and again) become more apparent for study, for searching for those patterns of behavior and perception that others evidence for being within analogous circumstances with analogous light or even nonexistant support. Time passes, and with awareness of what is at stake some modest control is developed to the extent that where once there was inevitability, there may now seem two options - with one consistent with hurting slightly less inside. I suppose we call it growth in specific relation to PTSD given habits of self care much be developed somewhat later than others given parents and family weren't adequate templates to mimic and often were just so consumed with their own problems. No coherent instruction was afforded to us with regards to being emotionally resilient, hence we have to take responsibility for penning that important little manual ourselves.

In short, self-digust is something all feel at times, albeit with 'us' the tendency is more pronounced. Further study of materials and contrast of experiences to that of others boxed in by like circumstance back in the day will gradually equip you to temper the effects of this dynamic somewhat equating to a mildly enhanced ability to afford self-care. Love those closest to you at such times for they may love us in return.

M.

 

[Lucycat]

Ashdawn,

I understand.

For me it came from shame and the misplaced guilt that I was somehow to blame for my own trauma. I tackled it head on in therapy using EMDR. The psychiatrist said that in order to do this I had to look T in the eyes while doing EMDR for this particular issue. It was incredibly difficult, but had very good results.

I am pleased to hear that you are forcing yourself out when you feel like isolating. That was exactly what I was advised to do, although it is not easy, but gets better with practice.

Best wishes,
Lucy x

 

[ashton13]

Ashdawn,

It's incredibly difficult to break the cycle of self-loathing and isolation. Sometimes you have to look at your emotions from a neutral perspective. You look at your reactions and consciously think, 'If I truly, deeply loved myself, would this kind of thinking be acceptable to me?' It's an odd question, but it's a way to hold yourself responsible for your well being.

Another way to look at it is with the question, 'Is this useful?'. When you start to be overcome by that negative voice, the one that does its best to dominate our lives, you have to look it in the face and say, 'You're not helping. You're not useful. I don't need you.' You're mentally distancing yourself and finding independence from the fear and anger and pain. If you shut them down they can't have power over you. You are the one in charge. You can laugh or you can cry. Either way the choice is always up to you.

I hope that helps. Just know there are always people here who will listen. Each of us fights our own battles, but no one fights alone.

Ashton

 

[Thinkingman85]

I can tend to feel disgusted of myself because when I am in public certain aspects of myself are deemed inappropriate by society. I used to not behave this way before the trauma so I know it is wrong. I actually don't break any rules, but I can sense that people view me as defensive or possibly have a hidden anger. There's proof because people aren't as close to me as they were before. It's sad that people just distance themselves if they get a certain feeling about you. That just fuels my anger more.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

I am 'recovering' from over 50 years of absolute self-hate! I've been in therapy for many years, but this one thing always seemed to come back. I'm finally realizing that there is just NO true evidence that I should hate myself so much. NONE. I have made many mistakes, but that is human, and we are just that!!!

Please try and get some counseling, or a professional to open up to. Holding the feelings inside is painful, and long-lasting. Start healing now in every way you can think of. EMDR also helped me greatly. It's hard to describe, but it 'attacks' the feelings, and you don't have to necessarily know all the facts of your story to get benefits from it!

Don't give up! That's my biggest piece of advice!!!

 

[Anna]

I also feel like this.

I feel disgusted at being a human being, especially considering the evil that humans do also the fact they fail to learn from their mistakes and do the same bad things over and over again. I find it terrible people only care about money and material things, that being sensitive and kind is seen as being weak and flawed. I feel disgusted at the world. When I feel like this I isolate myself from those around me and avoid people. It makes me hate myself as well, because after all, I too am human.

When I feel like this I try to see the positive things around me, albeit it is very hard.