Does anyone else feel like their PTSD is “too different”?

[Deanna]

I've never faked it. I was like a poster above.. When they said I was PTSD, couldn't believe I was diagnosed with PTSD. At night in my dreams I would talk to spirits and had sleep paralysis all the time. I would scream at myself in the car going down the road with frustration. I would scream in the house to a memory I remembered and constantly talked to myself. I am grateful that all that stopped with a good psychiatrist. Never faked any of it. I'd drop an ex on the curb before I'd put up with that. My trauma is complicated.. I was a punching bag until I was 15 and other things by my dad, step dad, real mother was the worst, foster parents and husbands. I have head trauma too. The body keeps the score not some ex. I was diagnosed in 10 minutes and I had drank a lot of coffee because I was scared but glad to finally be in her office. I'm on all the right medications.. So screw your ex. Thanks for the post though

 

[TTC18]

I was diagnosed after a single visit as well. 'So, you have PTSD' Very matter-of-fact. I also have days when I think
"This is all fake, I'm not that bad. Look, no one would even KNOW there was anything wrong with me if I didn't tell them. How bad could it be? "
Then I look at the shambles that my life has been - and just sit and shake my head. Yeah. I have PTSD.

 

[DharmaGirl]

My brother was diagnosed first, which had me researching it, and at the time I was working full time and furthering my career so I didn't think it applied to me. It was 6 months of therapy before I asked if I had it. I did. Severely. I also thought I was faking, and when I think about some of the stuff, I still don't believe it happened. I think denial is a big part of my family make up.

"You present well"

I tell this to my doc and new therapists because I present well. I know what they look for, and I present what they are looking for.

I think @littleoc, what you are feeling can be pretty normal for someone with PTSD. I would continue to bring it up to my therapist, because it's something that bothers you.

 

[TTC18]

I've been told that I present well also. I thought it was funny the first time I heard it. Now, I think it sort of wraps everything up with a little bow. (see what I did there?)
Seriously - it encapsulates my issue. I act fine but am a mess inside.

 

[shimmerz]

I also thought I was faking,

Me too, but that is because every significant person in my life when I was young reacted that way when I was in pain. I don't think it had anything to do with my trauma. It seemed to be more of a learned thing.

Having said that, my worst traumas were before the age of 2. Foster care, operations, abandonment, starvation, beatings, sexual abuse, double binds galore.

My symptoms were just nuts. So nuts that psychiatrists didn't believe them. And the fact is, my ptsd symptoms are very different. They match the trauma I endured, which would be different from each of you.

I was thrown off early when I didn't realize that psychiatrists don't know shit about trauma. I won't get started....

So yeah, I get stuck on the idiocy of professionals before I bash myself. Best to have a scapegoat. And a deserving one at that.

I recognize how trauma can completely f*ck one up and I have no desire to allow people to make me feel lesser because of how this has all gone down with me.

 

[DharmaGirl]

Totally agree, @shimmerz, if you get someone who doesn't get it, it can screw you up worse than you are already screwed up. I've had a horrible time with therapists and Pdocs.

 

[MyWillow]

I thank my lucky stars for my psydoc. She hasn’t prescribed a thing. And I’m feeling much steadier. Damn she’s good.

 

[ILoveLife]

I think it's funny, while reading this thread... all the stuff we think sets us aside and makes our ptsd different is actually pretty common between us all :laugh:

 

[littleoc]

Haha, great point @Sietz !

 

[Abstract]

I think it's funny, while reading this thread... all the stuff we think sets us aside and makes our ptsd different is actually pretty common between us all :laugh:

? Totally.

 

[shimmerz]

is actually pretty common between us all :laugh:

This is why community is so good. As well as group therapy (if one can tolerate it). It allows us to see that we aren't freaks. That's one thing down, and a kazillion more to go but still....

 

[jaay]

I get that feeling too. What's key to remember is that faking it would be a conscious decision, you'd make the choice to fake it. The question of "am i faking it?" wouldn't come up if you were faking, you'd be conscious of carrying out your decision to fake it.