Teddie
Bronze Member
I recently bumped into a girl who bullied me quite badly in our teens. She served me at my local chippy - I’ve never seen her there before so she must be newly employed.
Neither of us said anything, but I was tempted to say something to just acknowledge her. I don’t know exactly what. I was thinking along the lines of “I hope you’re okay”. But I guess I didn’t because I know that my reaction is always: fawn fawn fawn. My default response to any sort of conflict is to befriend and submit to whoever I’m afraid of.
It was a really silly thought, because it’s not as if we were ever friends. This isn’t a girl who I fell out with or anything. She tormented me relentlessly for years wherever I went. She was constantly in my life throughout my adolescence, and she always stood out to me from other bullies growing up because she was so violent.
I’m not sure what she thought of the interaction. To me it seemed like she was trying to play it cool and show off a bit by acting suave about it. I could tell she was still looking down on me even though the irony is that she’s serving me food whilst I’m in business attire. I honestly mean that with no disrespect towards anyone who works in food service; it’s just a typical scenario people use to put down or rank others.
I’ve been thinking a lot about her the past few days and I’ve been confused about my feelings towards the interaction. I’m not sure how I feel. I feel confused. I feel sorry for her and I feel sorry for myself, too. I feel like I shouldn’t feel sorry for her, though, but I am. I just think she must have a lot of hatred inside of her even today.
Does anyone have any similar experiences or thoughts about what this feeling could be?
Neither of us said anything, but I was tempted to say something to just acknowledge her. I don’t know exactly what. I was thinking along the lines of “I hope you’re okay”. But I guess I didn’t because I know that my reaction is always: fawn fawn fawn. My default response to any sort of conflict is to befriend and submit to whoever I’m afraid of.
It was a really silly thought, because it’s not as if we were ever friends. This isn’t a girl who I fell out with or anything. She tormented me relentlessly for years wherever I went. She was constantly in my life throughout my adolescence, and she always stood out to me from other bullies growing up because she was so violent.
I’m not sure what she thought of the interaction. To me it seemed like she was trying to play it cool and show off a bit by acting suave about it. I could tell she was still looking down on me even though the irony is that she’s serving me food whilst I’m in business attire. I honestly mean that with no disrespect towards anyone who works in food service; it’s just a typical scenario people use to put down or rank others.
I’ve been thinking a lot about her the past few days and I’ve been confused about my feelings towards the interaction. I’m not sure how I feel. I feel confused. I feel sorry for her and I feel sorry for myself, too. I feel like I shouldn’t feel sorry for her, though, but I am. I just think she must have a lot of hatred inside of her even today.
Does anyone have any similar experiences or thoughts about what this feeling could be?