Does Anyone Knows Any Steps To Deal With Low-esteem And Self-worth

[therisa]

For, as long as, I can remember, I had problems with my low self-esteem and self-worth, from the aggressive verbal and physical abuse, while growing up, as a child and later on, with my life. Also, I am having trouble accepting simple compliments from people, who I know don’t have an agenda against me. It hasn’t helped that I was forced to hide part of myself, for my own safety. Can anyone suggest some baby steps that I can take to rebuild myself, into a more confident person, who doesn’t reacts negatively, whenever I heard someone rebuking me. I know, it took years for this situation, to develop and will take time, to correct it, for me.

 

[Meadowsweet]

There is therapy to help you to change the stuck thoughts directly associated with trauma.

But there are many quite simple self-esteem exercises that, if you put them into practise daily, can have a surprisingly positive effect. things like. everyday you have to write down at least one positive thing you have done. It might be something as small as "today I wore the purple jumper because I thought it looked nice". Or something as big as "Today I filled in the job application form and sent it".

There's loads of techniques that you can look up. But I think whats important, is to keep going with them, even when you're thinking it will never work. The other thing is to treat them like a tool kit, not like a miracle cure. I did some self-esteem work last year and felt great. But because I was in denial of trauma at the time, the trauma came back to bite. So as I can think I'm ok and then the child with all the emotions and trauma will come up and it makes it feel like the self-esteem work was all a load of rubbish and I'm a failure. But I try using the tools again, and it helps to lift me out of the holes.

I don;t think self esteem work can have a lasting effect without getting to the root of the problem (trauma). But it can help keep you afloat while dealing with the deeper issues.

 

[franciemarnie]

I was told once to raise self esteem by doing esteemable acts, so I try to do really nice things for myself to make me feel better. Making a list of all the things that make me happy in each day is a favorite. Like walking today and listening to my IPod. Talking to and treating myself nicely. Eating well but having treats too. Making boundaries and sticking by them. Sticking up for myself as needed. Treating myself as if I have great value. And I do. And so do you. It's something that has to be worked at and maintained, at least for me.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I can so relate to what you are going through. My husband died four months ago, and I find myself alone for the first time in thirty six years and I am slowly in the process of rebuilding my life.

Spending time with good and safe people helps me so much. I ordered a book called the six pillars of self esteem by Nathanial Brandon. He is one of my favorite authors. I have not gotten so far in the book yet, but I will soon.

I like that you said baby steps. Because that is how it is supposed to be. I am of course so very sorry for the abuse you survived and that says something very important to you. You are a survivor and you do not give up. I am confident that your beliefs will carry you forward and you will be more positive about yourself.

As for compliments, a simple thank you will suffice. It is amazing how it builds you up. It is based on fact about you. They do not have to compliment you. It takes a risk to compliment someone.

I wish you the very best on your endeavor. Big hugs.

 

[presentjoy]

I developed a lot of self-confidence and feeling esteem towards myself when I dove into a passion of mine intensely and connected with people who shared that passion. For the first time I felt seen and liked for who I was.

In no way am I meaning this to knock anyone at all, I kind of feel like the term self-esteem has no meaning to me. Once, I was doing a crossword and the clue was respect. The answer was esteem. It kind of clicked for me then. We talk about holding another person in high esteem. I think it can mean a person is well-regarded, deserving of respect, to be regarded as someone worthy of... ____. I realised that maybe it was respect for myself that I was missing. Respect, I could understand. Esteem felt like a concept that didn't make much sense.

I gained confidence in certain areas by focusing on strengthening them in total compassion for myself. Like, permission to do it badly until I didn't do it badly anymore.

Feeling worthy of complements isn't easy. I wonder if I've dissociated from them. When someone tells me I did a great job (despite my horrible anxiety, underpreparedness, feeling like I did a crappy job), I have decided to understand that their perspective is just as valid as mine is, so if they want to tell me I did a great job, then I will believe that is their perception, even if mine is different.

Haven't figured out the self-respect thing yet. Or how to hold myself in high esteem. Mystery behind door #3.

 

[mamachick]

There are several good books on self esteem, including The Six Pillars of Self Esteem. Read and practice and read again if needed and new ones. Books explain where esteem really comes from and you will be able to see the role trauma plays in it and you can still improve your self esteem.

In addition to what others have said about the exercises and doing nice things for yourself, I think it has a lot to do with living the value's that you believe in, so often that is doing things for and with others as well. I do think you can heal from trauma and gain better esteem at the same time. We often have to step out of our comfort zone and that can be challenging, because self esteem not only requires security and individuality, but affiliation/connection with others., mission/purpose, and feelings of competency-In addition to treating ourselves well.

 

[therisa]

Thank you, everyone, please pardon me, for this very response, to worthy responses, but my anxiety levels are high and am, in a very public place, the library. Will give a more detail response, later on, today.

 

[therisa]

I know, I said, I would get back later that same day, on August 29th, but I found myself, unable to express my thoughts, in a way, which made sense to me. Now, I think I have my response, it came to me, over the past 8 days, as I have watched Star, my youngest cat, heal from her abusive past, with my patient and persistence help. I have been doing these things, without realizing that I have been moving in a positive direction, in regards, to my self-esteem. Self-confidence that will take longer, but I am willing to take the needed time, to heal.

Thank you, everyone, who shared with me, their advice. I appreciate it.

 

[Philippa]

It is a tool used in therapy, but if you feel like challenging yourself you can take a piece of paper and write down the numbers 1-20 down the page. After each number you write one thing about yourself that you really like, or one thing that you do really well. Most people find it excruciatingly hard to do, but if you just start small, and make it to five on the first day, then maybe by the end of the week of doing five every day, you can finish 20 or even more.

This can help to build self-esteem. I also think that if you really work on consciously receiving compliments when they are given to you, regardless of how uncomfortable you feel, muster enough strength to really say thankyou, and mean it, and to allow yourself to feel the persons words and if you can't quite believe it secretly, at least pretend how good it would feel if you were like the way that person said you are.