Does your own emotional fragility ever send you into a shame spiral? What do you do?

[Cptsdcruiser]

Does your own emotional fragility ever send you into a shame spiral? What do you do?

I’m doing EMDR therapy etc and getting to a point where I can sense if I’m getting triggered or overwhelmed by a situation/conversation and need to remove myself.

EG if I’m at a social gathering and start feeling overstimulated and excuse myself to go home early

Or currently I’m going through a separation from an ex of five years and we’ve had to have these nitty gritty adult convos as he moves out, about dividing up the furniture/items we bought together, and if I start panicking/crying I text him that I need space and will get back to him after work

Or I’ve been helping a friend on the phone who’s been going thru hardship and sometimes I can be emotionally available to suppprt her and other times I can’t and have to tell her I’ll call back later.

And I know this is progress and I’m respecting my own needs and boundaries.

However after I remove myself from the triggering situation I fall in the shame spiral and can’t stop being frustrated/disappointed/upset with myself. Has anyone else got tips for coping with this phenomenon?

 

[somerandomguy]

Do some CBT on yourself when you start feeling ashamed. Ask yourself if there's a more appropriate thought instead of the one that sent you into feeling shame. Remind yourself what would happen if you ignored your needs. Consider replacing thoughts that you are weak with thoughts that allow yourself to feel pride for the way you are practicing self-care. Do this every time you feel ashamed and think about writing this down and consulting it when you notice yourself feeling ashamed. Finally, remind yourself that the automatic thoughts leading to feelings of shame are ways that your traumabrain is trying to protect you - thank your brain but remind it that this method of protection is no longer necessary and actually hurts you at this stage of your life.

 

[Cptsdcruiser]

Do some CBT on yourself when you start feeling ashamed. Ask yourself if there's a more appropriate thought instead of the one that sent you into feeling shame. Remind yourself what would happen if you ignored your needs. Consider replacing thoughts that you are weak with thoughts that allow yourself to feel pride for the way you are practicing self-care. Do this every time you feel ashamed and think about writing this down and consulting it when you notice yourself feeling ashamed. Finally, remind yourself that the automatic thoughts leading to feelings of shame are ways that your traumabrain is trying to protect you - thank your brain but remind it that this method of protection is no longer necessary and actually hurts you at this stage of your life.

This is extremely concrete and solid advice and I will add it to my coping skills tool box haha thank you so much some random guy

 

[Unknown User 2051]

I find this works with emotional states in general. Explore the emotion, identify what it is, figure out how or why that emotion figures into your core identity. Sounds like CBT?

Here's an example. For the longest time, life really, I've felt like there's no place for me in the world. I just don't belong. I finally remembered the story my mother used to tell about my birth. It sounded like the story of a proud mama bear. She would say "MY baby was SO big, he was a whopping 13 lbs. The doctors were sure he was going to be triplets and it would be a hard delivery. They tried, but it was only my first baby so they had to do a C-section. He was SUCH a big boy."

It looks like pride or bragging. The hidden truth to the story was "look what this monster baby did to my youthful body, do you SEE THIS SCAR?!"

I can make peace with that. I can even forgive her for the neglect and abuse. If there's an afterlife, I'm pretty sure I don't ever want to speak with that ghost. I'm frankly pissed off. But I can understand, and understanding in this case makes a whole world of difference. No, I don't belong and I doubt I ever will. But I'm not an alien anymore. I'm just a stranger in a strange land.

These people who populate this world where I live are not my people. That's their loss. I get to live my life without any of their nonsense, but I can smile and wave across the distance to the strangers who govern this world. It's a peaceful existence as long as the wolves stay away from my front door.

 

[Friday]

Does your own emotional fragility ever send you into a shame spiral? What do you do?

I’m not emotionally fragile. The opposite. But? I still do shame spirals. More of a dysregulation thing, or human thing, depending on how real &/or recent the “thing” is.

Similarly? I ALSO do the triggered (mixing up past & present) & hit the limit with my stress levels thing (see below).

I’m doing EMDR therapy etc and getting to a point where I can sense if I’m getting triggered or overwhelmed by a situation/conversation and need to remove myself.

Have you read The ptsd cup explanation yet?

However after I remove myself from the triggering situation I fall in the shame spiral and can’t stop being frustrated/disappointed/upset with myself. Has anyone else got tips for coping with this phenomenon?

- Put the bat down. You’re hurting a friend of mine. (Beating yourself up).
- Is this useful? If so, bang on, keep at it. If not? Knock it the f*ck off, and actually DO something about it.