Relationship Does Your Sufferer Act Robotic Much Of The Time?

[StormySea]

For example, stiff, far away, emotionless, awkward. At one point, I thought my sufferer had Asperger's. But now that I've been on this site and have read a lot about PTSD, I know that when he goes into robot mode he must be disassociating. Still, I'm always wondering how much the way he is is from PTSD and how much of it is the way he's always been. Also, my friend who has PTSD has never come across as robotic, at least to me. I'm going to ask her if she recalls ever being that way earlier in her recovery.

He seems to have no clue that he acts that way sometimes. When I brought it up with him, he seemed surprised but then thought about it and said someone else had tried to pull him out of it in the past, when he thought he was simply being quiet.

 

[Deadman]

I suspect men with PTSD are more likely to do the stiff, far away, emotionless thing than women are. Societal expectations are that men who are sad or anxious are showing weakness so we lock down instead.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Emotional numbing is a symptom of PTSD. That's probably what you're picking up on.

 

[StormySea]

I suspect men with PTSD are more likely to do the stiff, far away, emotionless thing than women are. So...

I had that same thought. I feel so bad about how our society makes guys think they can't show emotion. It must be so hard on a person and their body to hold all that in. Emotions find their way out somehow and if it's not through tears it's likely to come out in a less healthy way. :T

Emotional numbing is a symptom of PTSD. That's probably what you're picking up on.

Is that different than dissociating?

His avoidance of eye contact also had me thinking he had Asperger's before I realized it was a PTSD symptom. Further complicating things is that many people with Asperger's end up with PTSD.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Yes, it is different than dissociation. They guard their emotions. They aren't vulnerable with people. They distance themselves from things that have the potential to cause them pain, etc. Its part of the Crit. C cluster for PTSD diagnosis.

 

[BlueOrange]

Is that different than dissociating?

Dissociating (disconnecting from things) comes in many many many varieties. Disconnecting from your feelings is something that men have been routinely trained to do for a very long time (it seems to be changing in the last 20 years or so). Aircraft pilots routinely dissociate from their feelings during emergencies. It can be quite healthy. It can also be a feature of PTSD & related disorders.

So, if he thinks he's 'simply being quiet' and no harm is being done, then it's not a bad thing. But if it's actually causing problems (if, like me sometimes, he doesn't eat or drink all day) then it's in his interests to learn how to come out of it.

 

[StormySea]

Dissociating (disconnecting from things) comes in many many many varieties. Disconnecting from your...

Perhaps it's a valuable protective tool for him that keeps him from getting upset? It prevents intimacy and closeness, but now that I realize how serious PTSD is, and how severely he is affected by it, I see that intimacy should be a lower priority than managing PTSD. I don't think he realizes how much PTSD affects his behavior and relationships. He tends to blame everyone else. He thinks everyone is crazy and untrustworthy. He at least has admitted that he has trust issues but I've never heard him take any accountability for the failure of his past relationships. Most people get into relationships because they are looking for love. I don't think he is able to feel love in his current state. I don't think he is able to feel much of anything most of the time. When he does feel, he only seems to feel anxiety or anger. The closer I felt to him the more he disconnected from me. I felt very hurt by this, especially before I understood what was going on with him. I can imagine this has had an impact on all of his relationships especially since he's not giving these women much if any warning about what they're getting into. I think when they get upset about the lack of love and intimacy, like I did, he just thinks they're crazy. I know this is a lot of speculation and I should ask him, but he's not talking to me. So unless and until he comes around again, I'm left to wonder.

 

[StormySea]

Yes, it is different than dissociation. They guard their emotions. They aren't vulnerable with peopl...

I'm guessing we've all numbed our emotions at times, but he does it to an extreme and for unusually long periods. It does make perfect sense to me that someone with this condition would do such a thing. But I haven't heard it mentioned much in the posts.

 

[Never_falter2]

Not sure if it is this what you mean by robotic.
My guy can go quite cold and a bit overbearing and lordly if he is not feeling well. He thinks he must be strong and not burden me with his emotions. By now I learned to ask him if he got something on his chest and wants to talk (by the way often he does not want to talk but sometimes he is happy I asked).
My advice would be to talk with your guy, but please do not ask him "Why are you so robotic", I used to ask him "Why are you so cold? What have I done to you?" And it is not a good way to start a talk, instead it's better to tell him how you are so proud when he kept a cool head when everybody else was loosing theirs.

So basically what I want to say is that a man who looks cool from the outside might not feel all that cool on the inside, because he might be forcing himself not to run in circles flapping his arms.