So I didn't realise that keeping a diary was exposure therapy, and have just now read the thread as you come into the diary section. I should have known. :doh:And I should have read it before. I did wonder why there was no guideline- but there is a guideline, I can't believe I didn't look for one. My apologies to Anthony, I should really, really have known.
I had not read this before because I thought "well I am not trying exposure therapy yet so I don't want to confuse myself more!!" Concentration and memory problems be damned, read everything and anything you can! I do normally so I am a little disappointed in myself, although as an excuse (and it is one, although not a very valid one...) there is a lot to read, I think maybe I was so very overwhelmed with everything that I have been through and desperate.
There is a reason why "Exposure Therapy" is in "threads in forum: Diary Section" in the front of the diary section, beneath the diary options, even if you dont know what it is, there is a reason why it is there and it's a good one.
I had not realised that the diary process itself is exposure therapy. :crazy:
I didn't know it at the time, but I am glad to some extent, because I have done what it said to do ...with regard to the SUDs etc. Except that I didn't start with my worst trauma. I think I started with the one I could remember more of, well not more of ...but.
So I have to some extent shown to myself that I still have some way of trying to work things out, and am not afraid but totally open to get outside of my comfort zone- in trying to move forward.:rolleyes: And not afraid of the fact that this is soo very hard and that I know I will have to come back to this time and time again.
The other thing is; I have not been able to figure out which is the worst trauma for me. They, well not all of them, but I do have a couple that vie for that title. I think it has depended on ...well I don't know what. But I have the workbook now.
I have practised much "avoidance", well not avoidance but denial of my internal constructs having importance, for some years. Because so often have been told "not to be so ridiculous", "pull myself together", "get on with life", etc etc...you get the idea. So it probably isn't avoidance as such, it has been me pushing it back down and down and down, denying the impact these things have had on me. And in doing this I have denied the importance of me to myself to some extent (??). Until inevitably it has spilled right out, kind of putridly engulfing me. :eek:
So I thought, as I have said before that everyone had what I had, flashbacks etc and triggers, and so I just couldn't understand why I got down and had so much trouble with intrusive thoughts. It wasn't until a few years back I thought "so how come I am soOo not coping with this kind of stuff when the rest of the world does?" And so started to try to find out more.
Wow have I ever found out more now.
And of course I have started to think how come I am so rambly and "all over the place" with my diary...and now I can see why. I read the thread because I wanted to try to get some control over myself when writing etc. And was also wondering if I should be keeping my *"stream" writing away from my trauma in the diary. I did feel though that the "stream" writing was important as it is a result of the trauma stuff, so therefore a close part of my relationship to how I connect to my past.
:Hug_emoticon:
So I know I have in some way to begin again. But it is cool. Hah If I had not gone physically back this week and exposed myself literally to the scene of something, I may well still have not read this item. Feel a bit of a plonker now. But it is cool. I see what I have done so far, as being something necessary that I had to do to start to get myself together enough to begin even if I didn't know it at the time.
Hah what a wally though. Am soo glad right now I have some semblance at a sense of humour and can smile at this.
~fin
* "stream" writing, is kind of the stream of consciousness stuff I kind of come rambling out with. I don't know if that is what it's called, it is what I call it.
I had not read this before because I thought "well I am not trying exposure therapy yet so I don't want to confuse myself more!!" Concentration and memory problems be damned, read everything and anything you can! I do normally so I am a little disappointed in myself, although as an excuse (and it is one, although not a very valid one...) there is a lot to read, I think maybe I was so very overwhelmed with everything that I have been through and desperate.
There is a reason why "Exposure Therapy" is in "threads in forum: Diary Section" in the front of the diary section, beneath the diary options, even if you dont know what it is, there is a reason why it is there and it's a good one.
I had not realised that the diary process itself is exposure therapy. :crazy:
I didn't know it at the time, but I am glad to some extent, because I have done what it said to do ...with regard to the SUDs etc. Except that I didn't start with my worst trauma. I think I started with the one I could remember more of, well not more of ...but.
So I have to some extent shown to myself that I still have some way of trying to work things out, and am not afraid but totally open to get outside of my comfort zone- in trying to move forward.:rolleyes: And not afraid of the fact that this is soo very hard and that I know I will have to come back to this time and time again.
The other thing is; I have not been able to figure out which is the worst trauma for me. They, well not all of them, but I do have a couple that vie for that title. I think it has depended on ...well I don't know what. But I have the workbook now.
I have practised much "avoidance", well not avoidance but denial of my internal constructs having importance, for some years. Because so often have been told "not to be so ridiculous", "pull myself together", "get on with life", etc etc...you get the idea. So it probably isn't avoidance as such, it has been me pushing it back down and down and down, denying the impact these things have had on me. And in doing this I have denied the importance of me to myself to some extent (??). Until inevitably it has spilled right out, kind of putridly engulfing me. :eek:
So I thought, as I have said before that everyone had what I had, flashbacks etc and triggers, and so I just couldn't understand why I got down and had so much trouble with intrusive thoughts. It wasn't until a few years back I thought "so how come I am soOo not coping with this kind of stuff when the rest of the world does?" And so started to try to find out more.
Wow have I ever found out more now.
And of course I have started to think how come I am so rambly and "all over the place" with my diary...and now I can see why. I read the thread because I wanted to try to get some control over myself when writing etc. And was also wondering if I should be keeping my *"stream" writing away from my trauma in the diary. I did feel though that the "stream" writing was important as it is a result of the trauma stuff, so therefore a close part of my relationship to how I connect to my past.
:Hug_emoticon:
So I know I have in some way to begin again. But it is cool. Hah If I had not gone physically back this week and exposed myself literally to the scene of something, I may well still have not read this item. Feel a bit of a plonker now. But it is cool. I see what I have done so far, as being something necessary that I had to do to start to get myself together enough to begin even if I didn't know it at the time.
Hah what a wally though. Am soo glad right now I have some semblance at a sense of humour and can smile at this.
~fin
* "stream" writing, is kind of the stream of consciousness stuff I kind of come rambling out with. I don't know if that is what it's called, it is what I call it.
