Domestic Violence Since Birth Til Age 30.

[DharmaGirl]

My dad used to beat my mom and it would wake me up. My mom would call me to run down the street and tell the neighbors to call the police. I was 4. This continued until I was 6 and my father was put in a mental institute. I remember thinking that I shouldn't have to do this, I'm only a kid. I asked the neighbor if I could move in with her and she said my mom would miss me.

My dad came back in 3 months and didn't beat my mother. He beat my older brother and me. Then my older brother thought it would be a good idea to beat and rape me. He was 9, I was 5. My dad would continue to beat us, my mom would "spank" us with wooden spoons or rulers. I never had a hairbrush with a handle on it for more than a day or two. My older brother also beat me on a daily basis. He was schizo-affective. It never dawned on my mother to tell me my father was schizophrenic until I was 53 years old.

When I finally got away from all that mess, I moved in with my boyfriend who worked in the prosecutor's office as a narcotics agent. Turns out he was abusive too. He beat me so badly once I tried to jump out of a closed 2nd story window on to a cement parking lot. He grabbed me before I could and started apologizing. I was in shock, but he wouldn't let me go to the hospital. It took me a week, but I told him he had to leave. I was scared but he did leave. He stalked me for years.

After that I was really careful who I dated. I didn't really enjoy dating. I finally married a guy who was really laid back. Turns out he was so laid back that he wouldn't work, or life a finger around the house or watch out child. I ditched him and never had a romantic relationship since. Maybe I can heal some of this and find someone who cares about me. I doubt it though.

 

[Nicolette]

He beat me so badly once I tried to jump out of a closed 2nd story window on to a cement parking lot

Oh, how dreadful. I am so sorry OverU. You must have wanted to get out of there so badly to react like that. Unfortunately I am continually amazed at how abusive some people are and, worst of all, parents.

I find it intriguing to wonder how a 9 year old boy would know about sex let alone want to and be able to rape someone. It makes my skin crawl with disgust.

Sorry, I have to get back to work. I hope to come back to this.

 

[Loloma]

After that I was really careful who I dated. I didn't really enjoy dating. I finally married a guy who was really laid back. Turns out he was so laid back that he wouldn't work, or life a finger around the house or watch out child. I ditched him and never had a romantic relationship since. Maybe I can heal some of this and find someone who cares about me. I doubt it though.

OverU welcome to the forum.

So sorry to hear that you have been subjected to continual abuse. I understand where you are coming from, having been through it myself. Had two similar type relationships and now on my own.

Have been ever seen a therapist?

Look forward to reading some more of your posts. All the best. :smile:

 

[intothelight]

Hi OverU,

It takes a lot of courage to leave and start over after a lifetime of abuse. I hope you find this a healing place.

 

[Nicolette]

After that I was really careful who I dated. I didn't really enjoy dating. I finally married a guy who was really laid back.

OverU, can you identify why you thought a laid back guy would not be abusive. What are the abusive traits which stood out for you?

 

[DharmaGirl]

Actually, it was because he wasn't overly critical. When I was dating the narcotics officer, I would read Vogue, and other fashion magazines and compile my wardrobe from them. He would always criticize what I wore until I showed him pictures. He would check the milage on my car to see if I had lied about where I'd been. He'd spy on me when I still went out with my friends. I had to call him if I was going to be a few minutes late.

The laid back guy was so laid back he let me do everything and was not critical. It was a thought...

Have been ever seen a therapist?

I have been seeing a trauma therapist for 2 years. I am now learning to set boundaries. Unfortunately, I hurt myself now. Its so crazy that I have to do it to myself.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I find it intriguing to wonder how a 9 year old boy would know about sex

My father and his friends abused my older brother and myself. It was so awful.

 

[Nicolette]

It is awful. What I do understand is that at such a young age that type of behaviour would seem normal as they are none the wiser. What I wonder, in the mind of a 9 year old boy, is what would make him in turn do to others what would have surely been painful for him. How can a 9 year old obtain gratification from that or is it a warped sense of taught reality where he takes his pain and anger out on others as is done to him?

Sickening how parents can knowingly make their own children so unhealthy let alone abuse them.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)