Dont Know Anymore, Flashbacks Memories Images

[sweepy923]

I'm thankful for finding this forum. I started therapy late in life I'm 42 yrs old just recently started disclosing csa with my therapist, with whom I have a great connection with. Before therapy when I got married I suffered horrible flasbacks, my husband does not know.

I suffered a great deal so I started abusing alchol and drugs. Only for a year. I joined a church which helped.

Now the flashbacks, dissociation, memories and new memories are back, my therapist says its because I feel safe now. I cant even drive got into accident due to spacing out, some csa occured behind the wheel, my therapist, does not know this.

I am feeling so overwhelmed these days with so many emotions , fears, I had a flashback the other night, I use mindfulness to ground myself, but I wonder if its all worth it, I have opened up a can of worms here. I don't know whether to continue therapy.

 

[Ghostybear73]

I can understand how frustrating that is. While I was running for my life and struggling financially, I didn't have any problems. Now that I have a great job, family, home and as you said safety, the past just jumps right out in the front of the line. Its almost as painful now working through the trauma than the trauma itself.

 

[Jane.l]

Yes it's tough isn't it - the thing is - the can of worms is open and I don't think it's possible to put the lid back on without dealing with the contents .

You have a good connection with your T and that is all important .

What stopped you talking to your T about your accident ? I often worry about driving because of flashbacks and dissociation .

And this is something you want to deal with on your own as you haven't confided in your husband ?

Sorry rather more questions than answers !

I often wish I could stop going down this path . I want to run away from everything but the truth is the only way to move forward is to face it head on.

We are the same age and maybe like me you have spent most of your life trying to do anything but deal with it - it doesn't work - hang in there it may not be a quick fix but hopefully we are aiming for something more than that - finally

 

[DMerish]

Separating/getting out of a domestic abuse situation was probably the hardest, the most stressful thing I have ever done. My mind was so focused day-to-day on being safe, caring for my children, and getting out of the situation that is all I was aware of. Many months later, after things settled and I was living a relatively calm life with my children and free from fear, the nightmears began, etc. I was diagnosed in 1987. My symptoms have gone into "remission" for several long periods. They return when new trauma, very emotional situations or very extream stress periods occur. I've used mindfullness for many years. Although I don't like the idea of it, I've needed to use medication "to get me through" a few very rough times of symptoms occuring. You may want to talk to your therapist or regular doctor about medication so you are better able to function day-to-day, and it also seems to help with progressing in therapy IMHO.