Don't Know How To Be Present

[IrisL]

Hmmmm... A lots of things are changed around me...

So I would say quite the beginingish - I wrote a letter to my dad where I say what's happened with me when I was kid (my stepdad raped me who knows how many time 6-16years old between..)
First reaction of him was positive, but he didn't even questioned my mum nothing - his opinion or reaction was it's happened in the past - and he can't change anything about it. So he is kind of left it on the side... I told to him my flashbacks, my new memories etc but his answer is "that's not sounds good"
Okay great I can't expect more from my dad.

Told to my mum too again (first I told to her when I was 19-30years old) she reacted by a psychological block, like she not even hear what I said.
So I tried again after my dad letter - massively tried - every each time I called her and told to her my exact flashback with details what I'm remembering - finally almost a year constant attack on her - it's get threw her block - she moved out - she pulled out my stepdad and questioned him...
My mum isn't a person who is angry she can't be logical ... On the time when she asked the things from him ... She wasn't she couldn't do anything else just shouting. Obviously on the first question he denied it, but my mum stand her ground and asked until he confessed .,. Asked him a lots of question but she don't remember all of it... One of the question was to him why he did it - his answer was because I was different ten other ki, I was special.
Wtf!!?! And my mum told me he cried at the end, but he only cried because he felt himself safe I never tell and never get threw to my mum.
These action mostly can thanks for my boyfriend - he helped me go threw with these...

And now I'm here time to time get flashbacks - I'm totally confused and don't know what to do - don't know how to be in present ....

Thinking of would be helpful for me to write a letter to my stepdad or not or just leave it ... Should I try to go further and try to put him to a prison - or now just leave it a bit - try to live my life and again start the things a bit later... Why I'm not happy?

And the other issue I have a stepbrother and stepsister (they are my stepdad kids)
My opinion my mum should tell to them and my reason is because she chose that man not me , so she has responsibility towards them too and she should tell to them.
My mum opinion I should tell....

And honestly I can't tell because I want to get rid of that, it wasn't easy to tell to my parents and especially after my dad reaction - made me sad - my mum was just on the side...

And now I'm here and don't know what to do with myself - don't know what I'm good at... Don't know how I can see everybody else better than myself ... And neither sure what I need to move my ass for myself ... Don't know how to do things to myself... So far I feel myself lost... What's my values ? How I know what my values is? Who am I?


And an other issue - is any of you can be straight forward when you communicate with your partner?
I think I'm straight forward, but a lots of times I feel I can't because I'm neither sure of my thoughts and before I would make any decision I'm just try to get first the other person opinion then to make my choice and decision what I would like to... How you make choices ? How you can be engaged to something?
Anybody has problem with that or just I'm that idiot child?


Sorry that's a long thread ...
And again waiting for answers from others instead I make up my mind and do what I think it's good to do... I feel like I don't know nothing.

 

[Changing4Best]

I'm so sorry that this happened to you, how awful this is.

I told my husband about my grandpa molesting me and abusing me. He kind of said that he suspected something was wrong but did not know what. He was sympathetic and supportive.

My grandpa had already died, so there were no choice about whether or not to tell the authorities.

I told my parents and discerned that my father had known about it, but done nothing to protect me from it or stop it from going on. He told me that it was "past the statute of limitations," as if by the fact that I could not get him in trouble with the law absolved him in some way, that it was a closed issue and that was it. I knew he would never admit his feeling guilty or anything else to do with it, so I left it at that.

As to your question of whether to go to the authorities in your case, I would do so if I were you. This would be to prevent others from such a horrible fate as you suffered. Take the viewpoint that he could do this to other children, whether or not that they are related to him by blood.

 

[Changing4Best]

PS. Are you in therapy? If not, you should be.

 

[ms spock]

My psychiatrist once said to me that at the end of the therapeutic process would be the time to go through the courts. I don't know if that is relevant to you.

 

[Changing4Best]

Ask him on what he bases such an opinion, and also remind him that the statute of limitations could fall into place before that occurs in full.

 

[IrisL]

No I'm not in therapy because I can't afford and I try to get threw nhs therapy but they didn't take me serious - even on December I was I. Asylum for a night.
I lost the trust in psycho therapy because they didn't have any responsibility and they had the attitude "anyway she hates herself, there is no way we can make more harm "
I wish to have therapy but not a shitty one which helps nothing.
Read a lot - and trying to sort it out with myself ... My opinion is the same - so I have another letter to write to my grandad, he has a friend who is a lawyer... That's will be hard.
Thanks for the answers make me feel a bit stronger with my own opinion .