Invisible Fire
Platinum Member
Happy new year. My mind is racing today and I am wanting to post more on here and not just stay in chat. I'll try not to ramble but a quick back ground. I have been on my healing journey for a few years. I feel like I am making a lot of progress. I am very hyped up about the new year and putting things behind me. I have been feeling more calm than normal. My baseline anxiety is always high but lately I feel? not sure the word but maybe its, "OK"? I tend to overthink things and last night it hit me. My life has been more chaotic the past few weeks. Dealing with the holidays usually sends me into a depression or high anxiety or both. I am not getting along with my spouse. We are arguing and fighting more than normal. So it hit me that the chaos is more what i'm used to. I am comfortable with chaos. I just stop feeling and pretend i'm doing great. Old coping tool? Or am I doing better? Setting more boundaries? I have no idea. I don't know what normal is. Just curious if anyone can relate. Maybe I'm more hyped up than I realize. BUT, i do know I'm ready for 2020. so happy to say good bye to 2019. thanks for reading.
