Emily The Strange
Bronze Member
Recently I have been feeling so many things I can't really keep up.
I've barely slept all week, I can't face food and I'm feeling very anti social.
I have had a week off of work and totally wasted my time off. I had so many plans but all I did was lay in bed and feel sorry for myself. I'm so annoyed with myself.
I had my first day back today and it was horrible. I hate my job on a normal day, retail just isn't good for me, but today was just hell. The noise was unbearable and the mood an tension between colleagues was fierce. I usually manage to keep myself to myself but I got dragged into it all today. I ended up rowing with three or four people and I hate confrontation. This made be on edge and anxious all day. I have carried this home with me and am now unable to leave my room in fear of someone being after me.
I am struggling to organise my thoughts right now and writing this is difficult but I have to get it out. I'm afraid to be around others and I'm afraid to be alone. I can't trust myself to be alone t the moment, I have self harmed many times in the last week and have punished myself in so many ways for things that deep down I know are not my fault. I have had dreams of ending it all and it feels so real, I think about it all the time but I know that I wont.
I have found a few things to distract from my thoughts and calm me to some degree but I know that I mustn't rely on them as they in themselves aren't exactly good. I have taken up drinking, not heavily but it's not something I did before and have experimented with drugs. I don't want to do any of it but I'm seeking a way to escape being me for a while. I just need a break.
I've barely slept all week, I can't face food and I'm feeling very anti social.
I have had a week off of work and totally wasted my time off. I had so many plans but all I did was lay in bed and feel sorry for myself. I'm so annoyed with myself.
I had my first day back today and it was horrible. I hate my job on a normal day, retail just isn't good for me, but today was just hell. The noise was unbearable and the mood an tension between colleagues was fierce. I usually manage to keep myself to myself but I got dragged into it all today. I ended up rowing with three or four people and I hate confrontation. This made be on edge and anxious all day. I have carried this home with me and am now unable to leave my room in fear of someone being after me.
I am struggling to organise my thoughts right now and writing this is difficult but I have to get it out. I'm afraid to be around others and I'm afraid to be alone. I can't trust myself to be alone t the moment, I have self harmed many times in the last week and have punished myself in so many ways for things that deep down I know are not my fault. I have had dreams of ending it all and it feels so real, I think about it all the time but I know that I wont.
I have found a few things to distract from my thoughts and calm me to some degree but I know that I mustn't rely on them as they in themselves aren't exactly good. I have taken up drinking, not heavily but it's not something I did before and have experimented with drugs. I don't want to do any of it but I'm seeking a way to escape being me for a while. I just need a break.
