I'm feeling a ton of shame

[Joey Bones]

That's what's been keeping me in the house. Keeping me from any social interaction. Keeping me from moving. I've been looking over my life and I'm feeling soo ashamed over it that I'm afraid to walk out my door. I need to find a way to process this. It's going to destroy my life if I don't. I guess I've never been very good at pulling myself up with my boot straps.

 

[Teasel]

Good that you're posting here
Have you got any support @Joey Bones
Any kind of therapist or anything like that?

 

[Joey Bones]

Good that you're posting here
Have you got any support @Joey Bones
Any kind of therapist or anything like that?

I've been to a ton of therapists but honestly I just don't think any of them were qualified to handle the crap I've been through. I've tried and looked for competence and sincerity but how many therapists are really any where close to dealing with cptsd ?

 

[arfie]

I guess I've never been very good at pulling myself up with my boot straps.

this axiom has always puzzled me. it gives me images of hopping up and down in a most awkward position, exhausting myself with getting nowhere. but in my long and winding recovery from child sex trafficking, i've grown convinced that the trust to open up to others is essential to healing. ya can't climb a life line that is only hooked to your own belt.

I've been to a ton of therapists but honestly I just don't think any of them were qualified to handle the crap I've been through

healing is an inside job. nobody can do it for you. the most important qualification is the willingness to try.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

I have the same struggle but I have had some positive results. First of find a therapist that specializes in trauma. I got one with a PhD because therapists are a dime a dozen and the PhD sorts out the flakes, not 100% but it is a start. Stay as far away from interns as you can, yes they are cheaper but they really don’t know what they are doing yet. I did 6 sessions of ketamine therapy and that really helped with self acceptance. I work hard at being more outgoing and social. It wasn’t easy but the results have been very good for me. People like me. It surprises me. Since calling it quits on my marriage I have started some casual dating. Old tapes play, I will go out with someone I find very attractive, educated, interesting and my brain starts looking for something wrong with her because she is hanging out with me. I laugh at myself when I do this because I am finally accepting that I am a good person with lots to offer. My therapist says I’m a catch and not to rush. I struggle with complements but I am getting better at it. I wouldn’t say I am a catch but I have a lot more going for me than I ever realized and I bet you do too.

 

[Joey Bones]

I have the same struggle but I have had some positive results. First of find a therapist that specializes in trauma. I got one with a PhD because therapists are a dime a dozen and the PhD sorts out the flakes, not 100% but it is a start. Stay as far away from interns as you can, yes they are cheaper but they really don’t know what they are doing yet. I did 6 sessions of ketamine therapy and that really helped with self acceptance. I work hard at being more outgoing and social. It wasn’t easy but the results have been very good for me. People like me. It surprises me. Since calling it quits on my marriage I have started some casual dating. Old tapes play, I will go out with someone I find very attractive, educated, interesting and my brain starts looking for something wrong with her because she is hanging out with me. I laugh at myself when I do this because I am finally accepting that I am a good person with lots to offer. My therapist says I’m a catch and not to rush. I struggle with complements but I am getting better at it. I wouldn’t say I am a catch but I have a lot more going for me than I ever realized and I bet you do too.

Thank You !!!

 

[Tinyflame]

Hi @Joey Bones . I think you said it: going over your life and then feeling incapacitated by the shame is (unfortunately) common for many of us, though definitely correlated. I don't know anyone who finds shame motivating!

I think if someone 'gets it', and you are willing and honest (which is mandatory, not optional) you will find nuggets to help you get through. If able try to practice pushing yourself out of your comfort zone in small and practical ways. Baby steps! And don't forget to reward yourself. And obviously continue to redirect your thoughts to a focus other than what brings you shame. Look outward if it helps. Gentleness and perseverance. (Yes I know that is terribly difficult but you are probably your harshest critic.)

Welcome to you!

 

[Joey Bones]

Hi @Joey Bones . I think you said it: going over your life and then feeling incapacitated by the shame is (unfortunately) common for many of us, though definitely correlated. I don't know anyone who finds shame motivating!

I think if someone 'gets it', and you are willing and honest (which is mandatory, not optional) you will find nuggets to help you get through. If able try to practice pushing yourself out of your comfort zone in small and practical ways. Baby steps! And don't forget to reward yourself. And obviously continue to redirect your thoughts to a focus other than what brings you shame. Look outward if it helps. Gentleness and perseverance. (Yes I know that is terribly difficult but you are probably your harshest critic.)

Welcome to you!

Thank You.

 

[Friday]

I need to find a way to process this.

An infection in my brain caused me to be unable to even LOOK at a person, flinging my body into the farthest corner, curled up into a ball, fist over my face… with even a passing whisp of shame. Nothing approaching real shame, but just the faintest shimmer of shame.

AKA? What you’re doing? Is. Human.

The ability to deal with shame? Is. A. Skill.

Toddlers don’t have it. They hit people over the head with the nearest object, break into screaming tears, run out into traffic. Adults & older kids have to TEACH toddlers how to manage crushing and explosive emotions.

Trauma? PTSD? Tends to require re-learning those skills. For entirely adult trauma, as well as childhood trauma.

You can’t pull yourself up by your bootstraps if you don’t know how to tie your shoes, yet. Small steps. Patient repetition. Skill building.

You can choose the carrot, enthusiasm, curiosity, kindness, empathy… relearning these skills… or you can be an abusive prick with the stick, to get the results you want. Both work. Choose the method you want, to live, to learn.