Door Closed

[Rani G2]

Nearness was never really my thing. I have this extremely strong urge to remove myself from people. I find it hard to let in, I have written about this, but it seems to get severe again. Its not troubling me that badly, but its not the best method if one can put it that way, to make progress.

I do feel weak at times, but then again my sense of self has changed, its filled with more identity. Acknowledging my childhood traumas took a long time. I grew up in a violent household, all kinds of abuse, growing up in hostels and living a nomadic existence, left scars and I even might have to work on a certain topic for a long time. Its an amnesia due to something I underwent and only having snapshots of it. I cannot put it into words, its captured in my subconscious mind, safely treasured, never to be felt. My therapist was very clear about the fact that therapy has it limits, that the trauma is too severe and one might not be capable to unravel it.

Has anyone had experience with Hypnosis? I did witness something as a kid where life was threatend, but I have memories of this. This memory includes micro fragments, but I dont seem to capture.

Just wondering, if someone has gone through Hypnosis?

Thanks

S.

 

[hodge]

I haven't, Shankara, just wanted to say I feel for what you're going through.

 

[Rani G2]

Thanks Hodge, I dont feel much emotion. There is only low reference to certain things that happend. i guess many can relate to this when it comes to PTSD. Human mind is a tricky and clever place

Thanks again.

 

[Rani G2]

The only reason I have lived so long is that I let go of my past. Shut the door on grief on regret on remorse. If I let them in, just one self-indulgent crack, whap, the door will fling open gales of pain ripping through my heart blinding my eyes with shame breaking cups and bottles knocking down jars shattering windows stumbling bloody on spilled sugar and broken glass terrified gagging until with a final shudder and sob I shut the heavy door. Pick up the pieces one more time.”

- I absolutely love this writer “Lucia Berlin“

 

[Friday]

The only reason I have lived so long is that I let go of my past. Shut the door on grief on regret on remorse.

Yup. Compartmentalizations works... Until it doesn't. And then no matter how tight the box is kept shut? Stuff starts leaking out, completely out of control.

Has anyone had experience with Hypnosis? I

Personally? No. I have, however, read many times over that hypnosis is dangerous with PTSD. Not just in imparting false memories/delusions, so then one has to not only untangle reality, but attempt to discern what IS reality, and what is fiction... But also in blurring past/present even more than it already is. Both of which ring dangerously true to my mind. PTSD is hard enough. I really have no desire to make it even harder.