Dread Getting Old And Helpless

[Changing4Best]

I have no one to take care of me if I should get frail or can no longer walk, etc. Strange, but when others have fallen (and could not get up) or aged, I took care of them, even if just in small infrequent loving ways. My beloved hubby, God rest his soul, had a stroke and I took care of him for 5 years without a day off. Then finally I could no longer do so, and had to place him in a nursing home, where he lived for another 3 years. I ended up homeless for those 3 years, as the nursing home TOOK IT ALL! (His pension, his retirement, and so much of the profits from our motel...). There is more to the story than that, but... it gets complicated.

Anyway, Facing old age ALONE is scaring the living daylights out of me. I live alone, my health is poor due to Lyme Disease and the PTSD, not to mention arthritis, etc. The thought of it just keeps landing in my mind over and over, upon waking, during the day, evenings... once in awhile I get a break, but not for long.

I've even had full blown panic attacks about it, and often anxiety.

 

[TLight]

I'm right there with ya. Won't be so bad. Animals die alone....don't be afraid.

 

[lovenbliss]

That is what I'm worried about too. I'm 28 and I really hate the idea of getting married and having children. I am already suffering but it might not even be half of what I will suffer in old age.

 

[HëllaBubz]

I have no one to take care of me if I should get frail or can no longer walk, etc.

Hearing stuff like this, as an experienced aged care worker, breaks my heart.
Are there no homes that will take you on pension basis alone?

You could try moving to Australia, we have something here called HACC - Home and Community Care - which is aimed at providing services to help you stay in your home.

Do you have anything like that over there?

I also know that when I was younger, and even now, there are Church programs that are aimed at socializing with the older people who do not have a social or family network.

I wish you all the best, and please do have a look at starting to building your networks now, rather than later, so that the networks know you a little better when you need to rely on them a little more.

 

[The Albatross]

Shelia, if I survive my spouse, I've got no one to care for me either. I'll probably end up in a nursing home too and my biggest concern with that is level of care. But I'm trying to remember and be mindful of the fact that I can't and don't know what is going to happen to me. I am not a predictor of of my or anyone else's future. I have to stay in the moment today, and leave off the inclination to look for things to fret about that haven't happened yet.

 

[Changing4Best]

BUB, I'm 58 yrs of age, and when I turn 60 there are some services that will help. There is a Senior Center nearby here, but again I need to be 60. However, since I have a PTSD Service Dog, they are very reluctant to have me around. They fear that someone there who is elderly could trip over the dog accidentally or they fear she might bite someone, but she's never bitten a soul! She is very well behaved. I think the woman who runs the place just HATES dogs and believes they belong only outdoors. A lot of folks around here have farm dogs and they keep them outside year round (which I think is heartless in bad weather!).

There are homes for the aged, in fact one of them right down the block from here. Also Assisted Living Facilities (ALFs) that will manage your medicines and give you 3 meals a day plus a snack. They have no skilled nursing services though.

I live on Social Security Disability alone, which some homes and ALFs will not accept as it is under their minimum requirements for funds. So my choices are limited unless I become drastically invalid, which is the only way the nursing homes will take you. In short, I kind of fall through the cracks in so many ways that is scares me. Also, I visit a nursing home sometimes to cheer up the residents and the conditions are less than desirable by far. BINGO is the highlight of these poor folks days unless family comes to visit.

That is my other trouble. My family lives far away and is extremely small, 2 persons left alive that might visit me, but my sister is older than I. Her daughter is a very self-centered person, so... all my other relatives have died or are too elderly to travel and live far from me.

Thanks for your thoughts though.

 

[The Albatross]

If you found out how to register your service animal as a "pet therapy dog" it might ease the transition if one occurs. Other than my husband Shelia, I won't have anyone either if/when the time comes.

I think Shelia that to preclude anxiety attacks, I would do some work on the idea that the concerns are a "healthy fear" and not irrational. Then break down what steps I can control and which ones I can't. Then endeavor to take the actions necessary to try to actualize a better outcome for myself than the one I am afraid of. Nothing ventured nothing gained.

 

[Changing4Best]

I have to stay in the moment today, and leave off the inclination to look for things to fret about that haven't happened yet.

And may never happen at all, I know... I do try to stay in the moment, but the anxiety over this issue is killing me. It haunts me! I try not to think of it, but it is like a pink elephant that you have been told NEVER to think of. It is ALL you can think of!!!

Refocusing is something I try to do, but the anxiety is relentless, whether I succeed or not. It seems to always be there. I take one anti-anxiety pill every day, a strong one too. None the less, I even have another one I can take as well, but somehow getting hooked on yet another medicine (I take 14 of them already!!!) is not my idea of fun. Also, this second anxiety med is for times when it is needed, not for always. And it makes me tired....

 

[The Albatross]

I find it is more beneficial to attempt actualizing "a generally satisfying life" than giving over to anxiety that is "killing you". Read the messages you are telling yourself in the post above. No wonder you're reactive and stressing. You are telling your body and mind that you are "killing it".

If you are taking 14 meds, I would ask for a medication review and be checking the side effects to see if there is a reason. I am a firm believer in an annual medication review. Perhaps it is a med side effect.

 

[Changing4Best]

Med side effect, hmmm... never thought of that! Thanks.

 

[nursenurse]

I am with the Albatross on the review, and pretty much everything else. Also speak with your pharmacist. And make sure you are using 1 pharmacy for all of your meds, they should be able to cross reference them, figure out interactions and side effects, give you something printed. Then you have more info to hit your doctor with.

If you have a bona fide service dog, then I would think you can take her anywhere with no repercussions other than some ignorant glances form close minded bubbleheads.

 

[The Albatross]

Shelia, "And he saith unto them, Why are ye fearful, O ye of little faith? Then he arose, and rebuked the winds and the sea; and there was a great calm." ~ Matthew 8:26