Drowning

[Kintsugi]

Last week at work, I almost had a panic attack. I was able to calm myself down enough to avoid that, but just a little while later, I dissociated while driving and very nearly barreled through a red light with several other people in my work vehicle.

Later, I backed into a f*cking mailbox, which honestly could have been done by anyone because of the circumstances, but my anxiety and dissociative symptoms really put me through the f*cking wringer.

This weekend, I saw my family. A LOT of it. The long drive to and from Family HQ was intense; I did a lot of processing emotionally/internally. My nerves are completely shot from being around a bunch of toddlers and anxious parents. I had to keep stepping away every twenty minutes or so (for up to thirty minutes). The numbness was enveloping. I felt so detached from everyone. I hallucinated this morning during one of my time-outs.

Too much of water.

 

[Enaila]

Don't forget to breathe!

 

[Bridgettiemac]

My ex husband almost killed me and I was convinced he would be successful that memory won't go away and neither will the feeling
I ask for help but everyone misunderstands and bottle it back up

 

[LifeInterrupted]

It's gotten to the part where I go through the motions of my day, and I am so numb and inside myself that I find it nearly impossible to keep up the facade. Every day, I feel like I want to lay down and say, I just can't do it anymore.

Oh how I know exactly how you feel! But understanding and identifying with your situation doesn't change what you're going through. Grief and loss on top of flashbacks/dissociation/nightmares/severe depression and anxiety/detached from the world .... All of it together is more than any one person can handle on their own. You need help and you needed it yesterday. I hope that you haven't decided to take care of it yourself through self harm or a suicide attempt .... But it sounds to me like you are very vulnerable to do that at any given moment.