I've been seeing this trauma therapist for about three months now. We've been preparing to transition into EMDR, which I've been wanting to do for years. Well, yesterday, I sent him a list of my traumas. He had told me previously to take my time compiling the list, step away if I (or any of my [DID] alters) became overwhelmed or triggered, etc. I did well, jotting down notes over the past two weeks. Yesterday morning, before session, I typed it all up - organized by categories - and emailed it.
The session started with him commenting that he had no idea how much we had yet to cover. Then we just focused mostly on deep breathing techniques and progressive muscle relaxation. He said both would be beneficial especially during EMDR.
Then last night hit. As I laid down for bed, the strongest sense of terror overwhelmed me. It was the exact same feeling that I had at night as a kid in the midst of active trauma - but last night was more intense than I've ever experienced. I panicked and almost couldn't get up from fear. I finally turned on lights and the TV before going to sleep sometime after 0230.
When I started preparing for bed tonight, the panic slowly started in. It's 0115 right now and I'm still actively avoiding sleep.
I've heard that EMDR is intense and often brings up a lot of struggles. I haven't even started yet, though! My guess is this is related to reviewing the traumas from almost thirty years in one sitting. But if I'm doing so poorly right now, am I fooling myself into thinking I'm ready for this leap?
The session started with him commenting that he had no idea how much we had yet to cover. Then we just focused mostly on deep breathing techniques and progressive muscle relaxation. He said both would be beneficial especially during EMDR.
Then last night hit. As I laid down for bed, the strongest sense of terror overwhelmed me. It was the exact same feeling that I had at night as a kid in the midst of active trauma - but last night was more intense than I've ever experienced. I panicked and almost couldn't get up from fear. I finally turned on lights and the TV before going to sleep sometime after 0230.
When I started preparing for bed tonight, the panic slowly started in. It's 0115 right now and I'm still actively avoiding sleep.
I've heard that EMDR is intense and often brings up a lot of struggles. I haven't even started yet, though! My guess is this is related to reviewing the traumas from almost thirty years in one sitting. But if I'm doing so poorly right now, am I fooling myself into thinking I'm ready for this leap?