Emotional Numbing And Trauma Addiction?

[nessa3]

Hi @theshadowoftheliving some of what you say sounds a lot like my partner - not bei...

No I havent read his stuff but have heard others talk about it as well.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

I haven't read any of the Pete Walker stuff ... I've seen it, but frankly been suspicious of his website, which doesn't look super scholarly. I'm always so nervous to ingest information that isn't accurate ....

Maybe I'll check it out.

 

[DinkyDo]

I relate to a lot of this. It was weird to recognize that I don't actually tolerate good feelings very wel...

Very good post, encouraging. I would like to add that my husband gave me a camera and told me that he wanted me to walk everyday, and take pictures of things that brought me joy, pets, children, animals, flowers, sunsets ...... This helped me get out of my head and look for beauty and joy. Hope this helps others too

 

[Knak]

For a long time I didn't know I didn't feel, but I relate to faking responses to others' pain or loss, unreasonable fear, and shame because I was an imposition and had no justification for being alive. There was something wrong with me but I couldn't figure it out. I was a parasite and ugly. I deserved the rejection, taunting, and bullying I got.
I was punished for expressing myself so I shut down. EMDR caused me to validate past pain. Admitting reality made me feel it. Now I am grieving the loss of years of life I wasn't allowed to know myself and I cry in public, which embarrasses me.
I think I have agoraphobia because it is so hard to fake normalcy and remain aware of the present. I think it is obvious to others so I am an easy mark for victimizers who look for clueless people to take advantage of.
That is why it is easier to feel nothing and see nothing much of the time.
I will not quit trying to heal because I live with someone who keeps me unstable and I have to get away.

 

[nessa3]

I can't feel emotions most of the time. Numb, useless, tuned-out - and happy that way. I lo...

I struggle with emotional issues as well. Mostly numb,anger,but no joy....or Ill feel some emotion and not know what it is or where its coming from, or what to do with it....very confusing...