Emotional Numbness

[Coletrain88]

My girlfriend and I have been to get together for 6 months and every thing been going great but she suffers from ptsd and I have bi polar any way. A few weeks back she's went to the doctors and he told her that we should 3 weeks away from sex and give each other massages instead. Which is fine then out of no where she asked me if we make through the 3 weeks we should get engaged.

We have both had this feeling from the start that their was a special connection and I said ok maybe. It's been 4 weeks and now she's gone the complete opposite saying she's not happy and her feelings are all blocked for me and she doesn't want to feel this way. I really confused coz upto 3 weeks ago we were great now she's Shut me out' does any 1 have any advice on what to do coz I'm going crazy over this?

 

[Friday]

Sounds like she went on Mirena birth control? That has a 3 week window before the hormones start working and a lot of women just feel gah, awful, shoot me now, by the end of that month (effects generally wear off after 3mo, or go on forever/most who get those side effects get it removed and get the copper one, instead... That is good to go on day 1). I could be completely off base. There are other procedures that have no-sex windows. But even without PTSD, mirena tends to throw a lot of women for that particular loop.

With PTSD...Sex is one of my coping mechanisms (not so, for a lot of people)... So I personally start getting really cranky & belligerent without it (spoiling for a fight). And then I'll get all stubborn and refuse to make things easier for myself until I can stop being all symptomatic. Which takes awhile. I am not fun to live with in either scenario. And I know it. So then I'm also usually isolating. Whee.

PTSD, like bipolar disorder, is pretty cyclic. We all have different cycles (the above is one of mine, I'm not saying the above is what your girl is doing, but it's something I've done often enough to know that pattern in myself... When I'm doing well I can break it, when I'm doing badly I've just got to ride it out), and just like with bipolar disorder there are some things we can do to mitigate the cycles, or stomp on one, but the cycles do seem to just keep coming. Trigger happens, and then we cycle through. It's vexing, and almost never personal.

 

[anthony]

I think you got her in one of those snap, PTSD, cyclic moments... the problem is... which moment was cyclic, telling you that you should get engaged, or her distancing herself from it? Or both?

 

[GWhizz]

It's only been 6 months. Maybe slow it down? Get to know her ups and downs a little better 1st. Don't just go along with a spur of the moment suggestion of an engagement.

You have a special connection and that's great. But maybe ride this one out with her and tell her not to push herself to feel. Emotional numbness sucks and unfortunately contraceptives and antidepressants can mess with our feelings like this. Let her have time to adjust.

 

[Coletrain88]

Thanks guys that's really helpful I'm just stuck in a place of do I stay or do I go. The problem is she won't get help and her way of dealing with it is to shut me out and tell me that it's easier without me. She says it's been hard the whole time with me but then why would u say that stuff is it like she just doesnt wanna deal with her issues?

 

[Coletrain88]

She's also tells me she really scared to loose me and how much she loves me but now she says her head is telling her it is to stressful. I wanna stay and fight because for once in my life I feel iv found the right person I'm just unsure if it's me that is the problem? She's completely shut me out atm and won't speak to me any ideas?

 

[anthony]

Relationships are stressful for anyone with PTSD. The problem here is not yours, and is hers, based on your statement that she won't seek help for herself. You can't fix her, you can't change her... she has to want to change and she has to want to seek help.

Unfortunately, that puts you between a rock and a hard place.

 

[Coletrain88]

She has 2 kids and she lets them sleep in the bed with her and she blames me for trying to take over by saying the kids should sleeping in their own bed and have a little bit more routine. It's probably not my place to say that but none of her family will. I just don't want to loose her as I know that it's not her but I dunno how to get her to trust me again