Emotional Response to a Trigger: Dealing with Numbness

[Starfire]

It happened again. Haven't had a PTSD episode in awhile for which I'm grateful. Then a couple Sundays ago, a person in a similar position of my abuser, also don't know him well, came up behind me and gave me a hug. Immediate!y PTSD event with dissociation and then became completely numb. Went to my therapist, tried to rationally discuss what happened. My T explained it's not something that can rationally be fixed. It's an emotional response. I wanted him to fix it..

He scheduled some extra sessions and was very helpful. He reminded me of things I learned a long time ago. There is still fear when we are in the same room with this guy. We keep track of his every movement. We aren't dissociating but there is this numbness. No feelings about anything.

World is coming to an end. Ah OK. A friend lost her home to a wild fire. Ah. OK. There is absolutely no feelings about anything. Colleagues are out celebrating a win that has taken us months to accomplish. Ah, OK. I came home. Intellectually know this is a problem and I should be doing something cuz this could go on forever. But ah, OK. I know in the past I've become suicidal and had repeated dissociation following this numbness but Ah. OK.

What I want is for somebody here to say do A, B, C and the numbness will stop. Know nobody can do that. Perhaps, tho others here have had similar events and came thru them.
Thank you

 

[Friday]

What I want is for somebody here to say do A, B, C and the numbness will stop.

The numbness is protective.

If you want it to stop? You need to be able to trust yourself / not need protection.

Being startled/surprised? Is the number one way I know of for symptoms to spike. You were startled/surprised. Massive trigger/stressor. That will take awhile to fade. If you want the fade to speed up? Stress Cup.

 

[Starfire]

The numbness is protective.

If you want it to stop? You need to be able to trust yourself / not need protection.

Being startled/surprised? Is the number one way I know of for symptoms to spike. You were startled/surprised. Massive trigger/stressor. That will take awhile to fade. If you want the fade to speed up? Stress Cup.

I've read your response several times. Thanks. Helped to read and realize it would take time. Kept coming back and evaluating progress.
Still a little numbness but mostly that was slowly replaced by anger. Wanted to go tell him how dumb his action was and why. But that wouldn't benefit either of us.Realized I just wanted to make him feel bad. But I didn't want to reveal my story.
Thanks again.

 

[arfie]

Perhaps, tho others here have had similar events and came thru them.

since i stopped treating the protective measure @Friday mentioned like an enemy invasion, i have come to realize just how often i experience this dissociation. it is a blessing when faced with a trial such as waiting in an impossibly long line. not so much when my ptsd startle responses mistake the love of my life for a long gone trauma perpetrator.

What I want is for somebody here to say do A, B, C and the numbness will stop.

don't accuse me of experting, but here are the a, b, c's that work for me:
a) patience. healing is a process which moves at its own mysterious speed. microwave solutions seldom work. healing takes what it takes.
b) gentleness. self-flagellation doesn't help. this all-natural process is not a character defect.
c) acceptance and trust. ^it^ is what ^it^ is, whether i understand ^it^ or not. trust the healing mysteries.

 

[Bonfire.]

Wonder when patience slips over the line to just giving up. A kind of acceptance that this is how it is and will forever be. Wonder if one can just sit back and wait for healing to happen.

In the beginning of recovery, I could look back and marvel at how much better life was. It was, as you so aptly put it, a microwave solution. Like that image!!

Know you are right also about gentleness. Thanks for the reminder. It is so much easier to be gentle with others. Am a military brat, so it was more move on out, soldier on, and take a deep breath and just do it.
Gentleness not a military concept! Had to learn it and be reminded to actually do it.