Ever Had A Therapist Triggered By What You Need To Talk About?

[Dana1010]

So I went back to seeing the therapist that my measly insurance will cover, not my first choice, only game in town. Anyway, I've finally worked up to talking about a chapter of my past that was really traumatic for me, and her response has been less than therapeutic to say the least.

When I first began edging towards the topic, I noticed she would get cagey and make weird gestures and then move to shut the topic down or change the subject with some lame comment. The more I got into it, the more convinced I became that she was triggered by it and would do pretty much anything to get out of talking about it. I asked her once, "Don't you have anything to ask about that period?" She responded with icy silence and then, "Not really." Not really? WTF? It's a subject dense with trauma, drama, material custom made for therapy, and she's telling me she has nothing to ask about it?

This is pi**ing me off. I confronted her and asked her if she was triggered by it. She acted like she didn't know what I was talking about. I'm sick to death of therapists that make you beg to talk about what's bothering you.

Have you had a therapist who seems too triggered by your issues to really go there with you? How did you deal with it?

 

[twinkle30]

No and in my opinion that person should not be a therapist. Therapist have to hear about abuse from both sides, abusers and victims. They have to hear about horrible animal abuse. They have to listen to people talk about their religious and political ideas. If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen.

 

[EveHarrington]

Are you still seeing this therapist?

IMHO no therapy is better than bad therapy.

 

[Dana1010]

Are you still seeing this therapist?

Yes, I'm still seeing her. I'm getting madder and madder every week as I drag myself into her office.

 

[twinkle30]

Why don't you start a post about online therapy? Some members have had good results. Though some have not. Maybe they can direct you to the credible services. I think "better now" is a good one.

 

[KwanYingirl]

No, I haven't had that experience. I've had three therapists, one did his doctorate thesis on male therapists working with female sexual abuse survivors. I moved to another state and had one who focused on reducing my dissociation and suicidal ideation. She got promoted to a no client position. My third is a trauma therapist. All of them were steady Eddies. Nothing I brought into session phased them. There is a body of work in the trauma treatment world that contends that it is not necessary to hear the gory details of anise in order to make progress. Maybe she's in that pack. For me, I don't like to talk details, I want tools to lessen my reactivity.

 

[Dana1010]

Nothing I brought into session phased them. There is a body of work in the trauma treatment world that contends that it is not necessary to hear the gory details of anise in order to make progress. Maybe she's in that pack. For me, I don't like to talk details, I want tools to lessen my reactivity.

Sometimes it's the not-phased thing that bothers me, the poker face, like they're not validating you. I find that I really need to talk details since these are deep secrets, and I have no one else to vent to. I feel cleansed by going into details-it's like a poison in me that I have to purge.

P.S. Have you considered whether your reactivity would lessen if you would go into the details and get it out? Just a thought.

 

[EveHarrington]

This therapist sounds like she may be a really bad for for you. I mean you seem to want validation and she is invalidating you, right?

Are there any other options available in terms of therapists? Even if they're not trauma focused, even a validating general therapist may be much better.

 

[KwanYingirl]

@Dana1010 yes I have spoken of many events in detail which makes me jittery and fearful. Initially I feel wasted but it passes and I'm glad to have dumped it, it lessens the load on me.

 

[Sideways]

This is a bit of a shot in the dark, but maybe you could try confronting this issue head on. It's not easy to get to the point with a T that you're able to start talking about the real sh!t, and if this is a T you felt safe with, maybe it's safe to talk to her about this. Like, "I'm telling you all this stuff, and you don't ask me anything, you just sit there with your poker face on, and that makes me feel..."

T's have to be able to listen to whatever it is you need to say. If you've just told her the worst experience she's ever heard, she needs to be ready for you to tell her stuff that might be even worse. And she needs to be able to go home and not have nightmares about it.

But good T's will accommodate you if the 'poker face' is damaging, and they'll be able to talk to you about it.

I had a psychotherapist (who I no longer see for reasons unrelated) that I used to offload all the details of my self-harm to. Week after week, I got the poker face, so I figured this was no big deal.

Then, at the end of an appointment one week, he told me that he was going to have to think about whether he could keep seeing me, because he wasn't sure he could continue to handle knowing what I was doing to myself when I left his office. That was a pretty devastating thing to hear, because I trusted him, and it felt like he was abandoning me. He ended up telling me at the next appointment that he'd decided to keep seeing me.

Thing is, right up until the time that he said "I don't think I can deal with this", I'd assumed, because of his poker face, that it was no big deal to him. I couldn't have been further from the truth in that assumption. Even with my current T, I'll often offload something, and then have to ask, "that's bad, right?"

My current T constantly tells me that nothing I can say will shock him. Which is obviously crap - everyone has a breaking point. But what he's really telling me is that I can say anything, absolutely anything, and he's ready to hear it, listen to more, and believe every word I say.

Maybe your relationship with your T is beyond repair. If not, consider having exactly this conversation with her, because you may well find that in fact your T is just being rock-solid for you so that you have someone rock solid in your life.

Just thoughts.

 

[alrite]

So I a therapist who got triggered by clients. For years I wasn't aware of it. Looking back i suspect it is why some clients stopped seing me and its why i avoided seeing cts with sexual abuse histories, When I became painfully aware of being triggered I took time off, 2 years. Unfortunately I have been unable to process the trauma as I have yet to find a therapist who can work woth the level of dissociation. My father trained me well. I've returned to work but in a new town where there is more support and I do not see clients that I believe will be too triggering. I am also more able to manage being triggered as I know whats going on and I have more skills in managing it.
However I know that in my own therapy I was afraid that my story would hurt the therapist. There is some research that foun clients are likely ro have 1 inresolved trauma or lose, therapists are likely to have 2 or more.
My advice to you would be to talk with your T about your concerns (this by itself is a step in healing). She may have other reasons - my current T changes the subject when ever I become distressed. I find it anoying, but I think her model tries to keep aniety/distress low. I plan to talk with her. A previous therapist was unwilling to talk about the trauma, so I stopped seeing her. You may need a different therapist, but like me you may live in an area where there r no Ts with the level of experience you need. But talking about it may help to resolve the problem or atleast the frustration. Good luck

 

[mary1979]

The best support network I ever had included a social worker who was triggered by violence against women.

That made her the best.
She cried with me, got angry with me and together we punched a punching bag twice a week for 2 years to get it all out.

Seems to me like you need to start speaking plain with this therapist. Could be good for bonding?