Relationship Everything is so confusing

[Laurie 0003]

My boyfriend and I, were 3 years togheter.
We went through really difficult times, but also had beautiful moments. There was a time we lived togheter and everything was so wonderfull. He said sweet things, was lovely too me. A few months ago, he losted his job. He took distance from me and wasn't able to see me for 2 weeks. It went worse but he realised he needed some help. A few weeks ago, He told me that his wall was breaking. He told me that when he heal or he becomes better, he a future wants with me. He want to give me love, but he can't.
On Saturday.. He broke up with me. Even he was seeing a future with me, he doesn't know what he feels for me. He said everything he told me, was honest. He said he need time to work on his trauma's.. (was sexual abused) before he can have a relationship with me what I understand.. But how can you fix a relationship and the feelings between two people, without the other person?

Also.. What do I have to think about all this?

 

[Friday]

But how can you fix a relationship and the feelings between two people, without the other person?

It’s not (or at least doesn’t sound like a) problem with the relationship. It’s a (series of) problems with him. He lost his job, his life has gotten messy, and he’s dealing with trauma from his past. Those aren’t things you can fix. Those are things he has to fix. Even in a marriage, where one partner often supports the other through a tough time? They can’t get a job, go to therapy, and fix their spouse for them.

Not all problems IN relationships are relationship problems.

Life problems often cause relationship problems, but that just one MORE problem, not one less. Work, life, trauma, relationship all equalling problems to be sorted. Not a single area strong and able to be leaned on, but all of them falling apart. And all of them probably contributing to the others falling apart even more. Meanwhile just one area being strong? Not having problems? Whether it’s gettin a great job, or being secure in your relationships, or your life built to handle problems... takes it off the problem list, and helps the others shore up, unless one of the others is too heavy and pulls the others down. It’s a balancing act, when things start going wrong, and very very easy to lose everything. Most people? Are 1 major problem away from losing everything. And that’s before dealing with a life long chronic condition that upsets the balance. Whether PTSD or Malaria.

Whether it’s ...
- My life has too many problems to be in a relationship
- My life has too many problems to add even 1 more problem to it

... Neither of those are about fixing the relationship, which requires 2 people. It’s about fixing a life. Which can only be done by 1 person.