Expressing desires and frustrations

[Rose White]

Realizing that I’d rather eat sand. I’m talking about intimacy again. I am single. I don’t have a partner or a potential partner. I live in fantasy. I had a dream that made me aware that I do not express my desires or frustrations surrounding intimacy. I wish I would. I don’t know what I’m seeking with this post so feel free to respond in any way you want.

Realizing that I do express my desires for things like food and other consumables, and I do express my frustrations with people (after the fact) and daily life. I didn’t used to do that. So I have grown.

Feeling a lot of fear and shut down related to this. My mind or psyche or ego doesn’t want to face it. But some masochistic wise part does.

 

[Survivor3]

Hello @Rose White , I have desires at the moment also. I've been single for 2 decades now. I'm meeting a very nice lady from the Buddhist centre on Saturday to give her my project talk that she missed. And when we were speaking last week to arrange this she said I could always go visit her at her home! I thought that was lovely and I was quite excited. She is a very attractive lady.

After being single for such a long time I can over think things sometimes! But it's a nice feeling thinking that there might be the possibility of romance.

What do you fear?

 

[Rose White]

What do you fear?

Talking about desires and frustrations surrounding intimacy. Like doing that will turn me to dust. The “me” that I’ve worked so hard to create and build up from scratch. Strong, independent, pays her bills, takes care of her kid, is professional.

When I was a teenager I used to have this recurring fear that intercourse would split my body in two. I knew it was illogical but it was deep. And now this is similar. Like a physical sensation that my body will turn to ash and blow away and I must resist, for my own survival.

Probably illogical. (Probably?! )

This dream made me realize that I do want to be able to talk about that stuff but my body is saying no ‍

Thinking about mindfulness maybe.

 

[Survivor3]

Talking about desires and frustrations surrounding intimacy. Like doing that will turn me to dust. The “me” that I’ve worked so hard to create and build up from scratch. Strong, independent, pays her bills, takes care of her kid, is professional.

When I was a teenager I used to have this recurring fear that intercourse would split my body in two. I knew it was illogical but it was deep. And now this is similar. Like a physical sensation that my body will turn to ash and blow away and I must resist, for my own survival.

Probably illogical. (Probably?! )

This dream made me realize that I do want to be able to talk about that stuff but my body is saying no ‍

Thinking about mindfulness maybe.

I understand that feeling, I also have had similar feelings that after being alone for so long and putting alot of effort into "getting well" and "rebuilding" myself, letting my defenses down would quite literally put all of that at risk, that I wouldn't be able to handle it and it would all fall apart. For me though I now feel like I'm now possibly ready for a relationship. That I'm strong enough. And most importantly that I can now talk about the very things that you've stated....

"Talking about desires and frustrations surrounding intimacy". I'm 48 now and it's taken that long to get there. Maybe if you feel you are nearly ready for that then the key would be finding someone else that was mature and wise enough to also talk and listen about those aspects. I believe "adult" love and communication and prioritises is so much more different than young love. It is for me anyway.

It's good for both parties to be mindful. I've had a relationship before that was just based on sex and the relationship was a complete failure. Good communication is so important. Have you met anyone that has sparked your interest?

 

[Survivor3]

I just saw in your 1st post that you don't have a potential partner so my last question is irrelevant I guess!

 

[Rose White]

Happy you are feeling ready— you deserve it!

 

[Rose White]

Hard to talk about this!