You're right, they think if they f*ck with us enough we'll just quit. I've been at it with them for more than 40 years and I don't see it changing. First thing I'd suggest is this; get an advocate, like the DAV or VFW to do the legal dance shit with them. Try not to let it get to the point that it's controlling your life, cause that's when it gets way worse.
They are our care provider, not the other way around. Research your benefits and work towards getting them. Don't quit, it's what they want. But also, do this; find something that's a distraction from that stuff, take a walk, go to the gym, ect. something that's good for you. Think of where you want to be in 5 years........set some goals. You'll be there whether you do or not, so why not try to be somewhere that you want to be.
They're not going to change. You have to try and change to make it better for you. There are a lot of non-VA places out there as well that will help Vets with care. Try to find a Vet Cntr. which is outpatient care. They're smaller and have some good people there sometimes. I've had better success with them that at the main hospitals and centers which are just too huge and impersonal to really care about an individual. Best of luck Brother.
Jar
I agree. I have been at this for quite a while. The VA has failed me so many times I cannot count them all. More on this later. I was in Iraq in 2005. I was injured physically, but was able to finish my tour. I was able to "keep it together" and finish out my term of service. In fact I didn't want out, I stayed past my ETS date fighting to stat IN the Army or switch to another MOS or branch. I was pushed out and told to ETS and go home, contact the VA and get my pension.
I didn't know what PTSD was. Of course I've heard of it, but while in I was not truthful on the questionnaires they gave us for screening because no one was! They put us in a room or handed them out while in garrison and everyone laughed at them and said we were "OK". No one would admit to having PTSD on paper, it would mean your weak or they would take you off the line or denote you as "mental". But it was funny, as I stated above I was overseas in '05 and in '07 I MED DISCH/HON DISCH. During the garrison time, when I could get an appointment I would see the guys I served with in the waiting room at the mental health office. We'd joke nervously about it there while waiting, but not talk about it back in the unit. I knew I had something wrong with me at that point but had no idea what. It took a LONG time before I stopped having this conversation with medical professionals be they social workers all the way up to doctors. Not to mention you were lucky to get an appointment once every 6 months. ME: There is something wrong with me doctor. DR: What is that? ME: I don't know I don't feel "right" (At that point I had never heard or had the words to use to describe how I was feeling without feeling like I was describing myself as crazy, I thought) DR: How so? ME: I am having problems with (insert physical manifestations of PTSD symptoms here, you all know what they are.) DR: (It started at one end and escalated here) "Get over yourself" "Soldier, you need to pull your head out of your 3rd point of contact" "It will go away" (all the way up to...) "Take this pill" "Take this second pill", etc, etc...
A good deal of you see the pattern here. It started in the military and goes on still. It escalated from words in the military to piles and piles of pills once I was a civilian. I take less pills now, with my Dr's approval because they were not helping.
All of this back story is just the tip of the iceberg. I've tried two inpatient programs one with the VA and one through a civilian organization (Which was so much better than the VA on so many levels. The inpatient care stories are for another reply or this will be a book) But to get to the point, I guess I want to say this right now. I did my duty. I served honorably and have nothing but good evals while in the service. "Promote Before Peers", all glowing remarks from superiors. (If they still do it that way). I separated from the military on good terms, my DD-214 says Honorable Discharge.
Before I joined right after 09/11, I knew I was going to have to fight in a war. While talking to the Recruiter (Insert joke here) and others. Civilians as well as Veterans, who in hindsight, served in peacetime or were Vietnam Veterans or older who thought the VA was good now which I am sure it is compared to when they were in or in the not so distant past. But point being is, when I joined I knew there was a good chance that I would be killed or injured. Looking back, it never occurred to me that I would have to keep seeing the VA over and over if I lived through being injured. You get injured, they fix you up and you go on about you life.
But know I KNOW what PTS/C-PTS is NOW and I KNOW that the VA, the "powers that be" knew that PTS(D) was/is. There is historical record of it as long as man has been fighting wars and writing down history. So my beef is why they feel that they don't have to take it seriously? Why is it that my C-PTS(D) is worse than my physical injuries and they act like this is the first they have ever heard of it? Also, I would say that my work with the VA has made me worse than if I probably would have never dealt with them. But they are so entangled in my life now it is like they control me, have me on a leash, and use their powers of healing and medicine as "power" over me? This is absolutely NUTS! The care is so substandard that I am horrified that the people who are supposedly the experts on making me better are this fouled up? It actually feeds my PTS and TBI when I talk to or have to see them. It is a case where the cure is arguably worse than the problem. I fulfilled my service to the best of my ability and am horrified that the VA as it is now is the best our government has to offer. <<< This bothers me. That my health car providers, the experts are this "IIX up"? I never in a million years could have dreamed that health care could be this bad and mismanaged. I guess it is me being naive. I was so naive before I joined that I just expected that 1) I would live or die 2) They had treatment for people who have seen how horrible war is and it has changed them. It is no secret? Man has fought forever in wars. I know were not the first to go do it and have problems once returning home. In fact, I see so much of undiagnosed and untreated PTSD in Veterans that I never noticed it before. I am sure they struggle inside, but the outward manifestations are so obvious now it is appalling. Think of all the lives ruined or cut short because of this condition now called "PTSD" and the refusal of the government to want to accept it is real and the backlog they do have now that they are. All the way back to WWII vets still living. And they are bickering about funding and finding Drs?
I could go on and on but that is enough for now. I am running out of steam and getting off point. To answer questions and clarify from the post so kindly put up by JarHead and others.... 1) I have my "rating" as high as it can go as far as I know. 100% T&P w/ IU. We had an excellent State/County advocates office here but once we started to come back from overseas they became overwhelmed and were unable to fund it and with that as well as the "financial meltdown" or whatever, they closed the position and office down. I didn't really have that hard of a time getting my rating. It wasn't hard to document or prove, it just took a long time for it to get pushed through all the red tape. I guess I need to find a new one. I did once, but he was worse off than me and knew less about the system than I. I just need to find a competent one now. And what could they really do for me at this point? Trust me, I've complained through official channels about my care or lack of it and all it does is get me into hot water with the VA and care is harder to receive. No joke. I know I'm sounding crazy here. Persecution complex or something? 2) I have got to the point where it is controlling my life and JarHead is right, it is much, much worse. But in my defense, when they put you on medications then fail to get them to you when it comes time for refills, it sucks. Being on prescribed drugs and suddenly they didn't come when they were supposed to, that hurts. And I'm talking about regular PTSD drugs that are not controlled substances that have huge warnings "DO NOT SUDDENLY STOP TAKING THIS MEDICATION WITHOUT DOCTORS SUPERVISION" pasted on all of them. 3) I am looking into going to a private doctor but I do have issues with the government not doing what they promised to do. Provide all of us with medical care if injured while in the service of our country. I feel like I am quitting or letting them win or whatever phrasing by going to see civilians instead of the VA. Plus, they are supposed to be the experts on care for wounded Veterans. It is their only function and they are failing all of us miserably.
Yes, there are things I need to do to "get better" and move on. I need to let go of the VA and move on. I am seeing this now after literally spending half a day writing and rewriting this post so it makes sense. I am sure this is going to look crazy to some, but hey, I probably am. Not that the VA will admit it. I've asked my Dr. "Am I schizophrenic or have some other complicating issue?" They answer no, "You've just been in a war and injured and have received a lot of scars both outside and in". I feel for Veterans out there who have truly bad injuries as I am sure there are many, many more in worse spots than me, I guess before I found this place I just let it get all pent up and I finally am letting it all out.
"Emptying out my stress cup"... By the way. I am not suicidal or want to hurt others, and all that jazz. It seems I get asked that a lot by Drs. But I am of sound mind as far as that goes. (As far as I know! lol,) It is not in my nature and after seeing all the violence I have I never am going to add any more to the world, short of a recall to the military, lol, again! Thanks for reading this and for all the responses I have received and may receive. I have gained a lot for the short time I have been a member here. Good evening all, Normal-6, out!
