Failing in life and relationship. please help!

[Letskeeptrying]

Tonight my told.me a few things that have me spiraling.
That she doesn't introduce me to her friends because I am so negative..
And she also thinks that because my depression is so bad that I am failing as a husband, a father, an adult, and as a home owner.
She also said that she regrets some of the things that we have done.

So I take all this in. In my mind I see.myself getting punched with every word. I welcome every word because it only reinforces my beliefs about myself. I use her words I HAVE TO FIX MYSELF.

I am at my wit's end. I am in the ocean and sinking. I do not know how to fix myself.

IvI' been seeing psychologists for years. The psychiatrist changed my meds in hopes of easing the anxiety but the depression has only gotten worse. I'm spiraling out of control.

How do I fix myself?

 

[mamachick]

Letskeeptrying-Im sorry to hear it is so hard right now, but it doesn't mean you are failing in life. It sounds like she is blaming your depression. I know depression has interfered with my abilities. Do you think it is effecting yours? If so, can you look in to medication changes? Just remember it is a temporary state that can be helped.....though difficult....there is hope. She is there so she must love and care about you.

 

[Letskeeptrying]

She is without a doubt my strongest advocate.

 

[blackemerald1]

Maybe she is having a bad day too? Because if she is not normally dumping on you like this then don't panic...she's fed up for the moment.

I don't think you can look back over years of therapy and say like I've done my time therefore I should be fixed. It's not an academic qualification where you do a certain amount of stuff and get the certificate to say 'Hey I am now XYZ. Therapy is a tool, it can and probably will fix a lot of things but in other cases it's used to manage conditions. Therapy takes time. Maybe you need to speak to your therapist about this too.

Have you had a recent honest reality check? Failure is a BIG word! It's also very emotive and probably far from accurate. Being a home owner...how can you fail at that? Have you lost the house? Being an adult....how can you fail at that? All those other things you are currently being are not failures they are current states.

You may not be too good at some things or even a lot of things on a temporary or permanent basis. But so is everybody else!

So she doesn't introduce you to her friends. Who are these friends? It's quite healthy to have friends separate from your spouse. I'd imagine you'd have those friends that are mutual and those that either you or your wife know through other life activities.
I know she says it's because of your depression etc., so as previously suggested go and see your Doctor. Possibly you need a change of medication or a introduction to one that may benefit you.

Regarding regrets. Who in this world has not had regrets? Big regrets....little regrets...niggling regrets etc., We ALL have some.

You sound very worried about your wife causing you to spiral. Try and stop this from happening. As you said she is your best advocate but even our best advocate's unload at times and it's not always accurate.

Go back to her when you are both calm and find out what can be done? Ask for answers...they may be very simple and instead of the world caving in, you just have to remember to bring the garbage bins in.

I am not meaning to over-simplify things but at the same time catastrophizing by either you or your wife isn't helpful and it can cause a lot of unnecessary worry and pain.

 

[freyjacat]

You are not a failure.

Have you gone to therapy with your partner? Perhaps it would help for you and her to gain some more perspective on what one another is going through. It helped me.

Medication also helps, but it took me few years for me to really find something that worked for me long-term. It can take a while, so try to be patient with yourself. Like others have said, this is temporary. Take care.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Depression is hard on us, but can be even harder on loved ones. They see how it has affected us, but them too. Depression affects every aspect of our lives, emotionally and financially, it’s so hard to try and force ourselves to “be ok”. That last for about a day, and then you just can’t fake it anymore.

Are you doing everything that you possibly can??? Meds, exercise, have structure in your day, vitamin D3, therapy, eating a healthy diet?

Hoping things get better for you!!!!