I'm probably using avoidance right now but, I will deal with this today. After a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner with my family we've been invited to a family Christmas weekend with all the family's kids there.
I'm torn btwn wanting to see my precious neices and nephews and wanting to just stay home. I know that even if I do go, have fun, am grateful that I will also be anxious, tired and reluctant to go. If I stay home then I'll be missing family but, not be tired and wanting to run away.
Maybe I should accept the invite and work on those feelings trying to separate me from my loved ones. Or, perhaps I'm just being hard on myself and need some space for decompression. It's a few weeks away but, a response feels appropriate within the next day.
I considered letting the host know that I suffer from PTSD and will try. But, what good would that do? It feels like letting them know I fight PTSD is a cop-out of some sort. Like it gives me permission to flake out sometimes. Or permission to be weak when I was brought up to be strong. On the other hand, keeping this an immediate family secret feels like a big burden. Besides, I know how the media sees ptsd suffers. Would my extended family disapprove of my symptoms? I don't know.
I'm torn btwn wanting to see my precious neices and nephews and wanting to just stay home. I know that even if I do go, have fun, am grateful that I will also be anxious, tired and reluctant to go. If I stay home then I'll be missing family but, not be tired and wanting to run away.
Maybe I should accept the invite and work on those feelings trying to separate me from my loved ones. Or, perhaps I'm just being hard on myself and need some space for decompression. It's a few weeks away but, a response feels appropriate within the next day.
I considered letting the host know that I suffer from PTSD and will try. But, what good would that do? It feels like letting them know I fight PTSD is a cop-out of some sort. Like it gives me permission to flake out sometimes. Or permission to be weak when I was brought up to be strong. On the other hand, keeping this an immediate family secret feels like a big burden. Besides, I know how the media sees ptsd suffers. Would my extended family disapprove of my symptoms? I don't know.