Family Of Four With Ptsd.

[AmyO]

I am a single mom with three boys and all of us have PTSD. My biggest concern lately is how can I help my kids with their problems and not transfer my issues onto them?

This whole time I have been avoiding my problems in favor of helping the kids. I know I can't do that anymore. So do I continue to keep up the Stepford mom during the day and break down at night or do I let some of the weakness show through and tarnish the S on my chest?

Should I keep up a fake bravado? I don't want them to suffer anymore than they already have, but if I show weakness do I look less secure in their eyes? I feel like an idiot and a bad mom because I should know all of this. But I need help and any advice would be most welcome and greatly appreciated.

 

[Reclusive]

I don't have much experience and this is only my opinion, but letting your children see how you deal with your problems in a healthy way will help teach them how to handle their own. I hope you guys are also receiving treatment for your PTSD? Maybe a family session would help as well?

 

[allitherapy]

I think it is really healthy for parents to show children how they cope with their problems. It helps children to develop their own positive coping skills, as children often follow their parents lead. It is not beneficial, however, if you have an emotional breakdown in front of your children or teach them less positive coping mechanisms. I also think, like anything else with children, how much you expose them to depends on their ages and emotional maturity. All children, especially those exposed to trauma, need to have a safe place to call home. If you exposing them to your issues would in anyway make them feel less safe, I wouldn't do it. If you think you can expose them to your problems in a healthy way, go for it. I think it can be very helpful for children to see that their parents have weaknesses, but you need to do this in a way that is healthy for a child's perspective. Whatever it ends up being, you do definitely need to take time for yourself to address your issues otherwise being a parent (or a functioning person) becomes very difficult.
I hope you are able to find support here and elsewhere.

 

[AmyO]

You are definately right there. My boys are all very young (8, 7, and 6 yrs) and were delayed due to both abuses. We are all in counseling at this time and getting better slowly. I have had to reevaluate my parenting styles almost daily and be three different moms at any given time. My biggest issue at hand right now is to show them that even though at the time we were all survivors, I am still a Mom and not a co dependent. I have been working with them daily to provide peace and security, but it is going to take probably a retraining therapy to show them the difference between a mother and a survivor.