So I had quite a massive almost a year (intense 11 month) and had new and old flashbacks .... Like in that period the first time I had a body memory flashback, when I have the body sensation but no any picture or happening memory... You know when you know what you feel like the air or smell isn't there but you know once you had it, you know that sensation of your body was on the time when the Rape happened again...starts to shake and you know that's how you felt on that time....
Or when your brain time to time set back to you as a child, your thinking, sensation ... You know it but you can't do anything with it - on thx hold mind set back I'm just telling to myself and asking "why you scared now? What you are scared of? Usually my answer I get hurt... And explain to myself there is no need to fear- I know you don't trust me, because you had been used out and hurt - but just please look around here is your partner maybe he don't do everything right , but he wouldn't hurt you by narcissism - if you feel like he hurt you by words because he don't know what to do with your blindness and you are hurting him with that. And you know he not deserve that, for example he likes to be judged and kissed . And I will promise you he will not hurt you, if you don't beleive I understand but try it please - if he will hurt you I'm allow you to rule my full brain how long as you wish and you can play as much as you can, just please give him a chance. Sometimes it's helps that way to talk with myself or if it's to intense and happening in front of my partner in just telling him how I feel why I'm weird and try to calm myself down.
Okay that's I think enough explanation I'm neither sure why I wrote these down... I think we know what Ian talking...
And now these kind of flashbacks gone back I don't have that much or even if I have - is just a negative thought towards myself - and terrified I will have again a strong flashback... When I have that thought I'm telling to myself it's okay - yes don't lie to yourself probably you will have more new ones, but when it will comes I know how to handle but until I have to learn how to be more assertive to recognise and can talk threw with myself( sounds quite crazy)
But I still afraid what about if I will can't and I will Gaian will be locked up in the asylum ??!
How you get over with that or not to afraid of that? Is a bit like you are scared like as you did in your past but now your enemy is your own self.
I think the solution is to be present, in the moment. But how you are present in the moment? What does it exactly means? And when you know you are doing it right? How you know you are in the present? And you not eating up yourself by the past happenings??
Anyone knows an answer? Or some sort?
Or when your brain time to time set back to you as a child, your thinking, sensation ... You know it but you can't do anything with it - on thx hold mind set back I'm just telling to myself and asking "why you scared now? What you are scared of? Usually my answer I get hurt... And explain to myself there is no need to fear- I know you don't trust me, because you had been used out and hurt - but just please look around here is your partner maybe he don't do everything right , but he wouldn't hurt you by narcissism - if you feel like he hurt you by words because he don't know what to do with your blindness and you are hurting him with that. And you know he not deserve that, for example he likes to be judged and kissed . And I will promise you he will not hurt you, if you don't beleive I understand but try it please - if he will hurt you I'm allow you to rule my full brain how long as you wish and you can play as much as you can, just please give him a chance. Sometimes it's helps that way to talk with myself or if it's to intense and happening in front of my partner in just telling him how I feel why I'm weird and try to calm myself down.
Okay that's I think enough explanation I'm neither sure why I wrote these down... I think we know what Ian talking...
And now these kind of flashbacks gone back I don't have that much or even if I have - is just a negative thought towards myself - and terrified I will have again a strong flashback... When I have that thought I'm telling to myself it's okay - yes don't lie to yourself probably you will have more new ones, but when it will comes I know how to handle but until I have to learn how to be more assertive to recognise and can talk threw with myself( sounds quite crazy)
But I still afraid what about if I will can't and I will Gaian will be locked up in the asylum ??!
How you get over with that or not to afraid of that? Is a bit like you are scared like as you did in your past but now your enemy is your own self.
I think the solution is to be present, in the moment. But how you are present in the moment? What does it exactly means? And when you know you are doing it right? How you know you are in the present? And you not eating up yourself by the past happenings??
Anyone knows an answer? Or some sort?
