I have come to realize that perfectionism and the fear of trying new things, as well as the fear of failing is a generational curse…

[Luna_Moth]

I’ve been reading the book “Complex-PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving” by Pete Walker. One of the things that stood out to me was when it mentioned the struggle of perfectionism and the self-hatred that abides by it.

All my life I’ve been too afraid of being imperfect or having flaws. I was afraid of starting something new because I knew that that would reveal the imperfections I had as a child growing up. Fear of the future was also an issue of mine because you never know where the journey will take you once you start something new. There was no room for error in my mind and that has robbed me of truly discovering who I am and what I am capable of.

I was on the phone earlier today with my great aunt. She mentioned to me that growing up, she and her sisters were afraid of starting something new or of making mistakes. I wonder if that has seeped into my relationships involving my caregivers.

I was afraid of not being the best at something as a child and my mother made it a point to point that out. Then she would tell me how I never try anything like that’s the worst character flaw.

I wish I wasn’t afraid of being imperfect and I wish I was okay with going along the journey instead of fearing the future and what it may hold.

 

[arfie]

empathy, luna. perfectionism, with all its hideous band wagon, is one of the meanest curses in my own life. it holds me back far more than any other factor in my life and culture.

the good news is that simple awareness allows me to manage that gnarly beast most days. i am learning how to risk being merely human, one day at a time.

 

[PamelaS]

I am empathize as well, Luna. And I agree with arfie. Some of the negative things that hold us captive are really easy to manage once we recognize them and begin to lift their power over our lives as we believe the truth about ourselves. I was held captive for 60 years and lived my life from a position of fear. Once I recognized it, and started taking steps against that lie, I started finding freedom and joy in life. Life can be an adventure. Wouldn’t it be lovely to live that adventure without fear?

 

[Sideways]

There are genetic consequences for trauma, which mean that significant trauma can be seen to have genetic influences on future generations of children within a family.

With due acknowledgement to that, language is important to me. “Curse” sends this into magical thinking territory, and puts it outside something that is within our control to change.

Hard to control? Sure. Takes hard work to change? Definitely.

Something you can let go of, with work? Absolutely.

But it’s not a curse - you can take control of this.

Insight into this issue is the first step towards healing from it, so you’re already on your way