Feeling like I will never have a healthy romantic partner...stories from the otherside?

RNrecovery

Confident
This is so beautiful and gives me hope.


I feel you girl. Claiming a loving and healthy relationship for both of us!
I hope I didn't come off as being toxic positive. It was hard. I remember feeling all the things you listed it. I just want you to have some hope that even if it doesn't happen on the timeline that everyone else expects.
 
I hope I didn't come off as being toxic positive. It was hard. I remember feeling all the things you listed it. I just want you to have some hope that even if it doesn't happen on the timeline that everyone else expects.
Not at all. That's exactly what I was hoping to hear tbh, because even though people say "anything is possible" it's somedays hard to maintain that belief within yourself when you don't see many examples of it. Sharing your story demonstrates that it is actually possible. That reassurance that it's real is so helpful.
 

coraxxx

Sponsor
Of course it can happen, and it is, I think, independent of trauma or not. You aren’t just four letters of a psychiatric acronym. When we’re working on ourselves this becomes so immense that it’s easy to us to loose the big picture of sight… people will love you because you are lovely, intelligent, creative, funny, put your good reasons here, and well, this always is bigger than "the person with issues". Sometimes the issues might make relationships fail, but it doesn’t prevent you to love, be loved and have your chance.

Plus, there are many many dingusses around that aren’t diagnosed with anything, but still are very awful. Not everything has to do with mental health. Now periods of being alone can be cool too. It doesn’t mean it has to stay that way forever.
 

Freddyt

MyPTSD Pro
When i found my wife I wasn't looking for any relationship at all. We met in odd circumstances and went out to a movie. Dating was going out doing stuff and having fun. Mostly we just found we had fun together, and we enjoyed doing a lot of the same things. The physical relationship started after (I learned later) she told a friend she was worried I didn't think of her that way. What really happened was we were really in love before we made love. It was part of the relationship that grew out of all the rest of the relationship.

As for the family? I could have cared less to some degree. Yes they were part of the equation in some small way but really? I was in love with her. As long as her family kept their noses out of our business I was good with them. Fortunately, we got along great. Even my mother in law. I think my wife would say the same about my family.

The one thing I have done with her for a long long time (even before I knew I had PTSD) is Me=Big Dumb Man - You, smart lady, talk slow with little words. Using "You said - I heard." Even before I knew what dysregulation was, I gave myself a head start in being able to choke down the flash emotion and outbursts that wound people and have a discussion rather than a fight. I really think that has helped our relationship more than any other thing, giving my rational brain a chance to say "I shouldn't be feel this way about this".

I thought then (and almost 35 years later still do think) she is a special person. Now after the last two years I know she is an absolutely amazing person. I hope it's a reflection of the fact I would do anything for her that she has done so much for me.
 

Friday

Moderator
there is high importance placed on how a man or woman treats her family and their relationship with their family
For good reason.

When my exHusband was no-contact with his family? I was good with that. As soon as he decided to bring abusive assholes & pedophiles INTO our lives? My estimation of him as a human being, a partner, & a father took a good 1,000 point drop.

How a person treats their family of origin? Isn’t a black and white, be besties -or- you suck as a person/partner/parent.

Good judgement? Matters.
How you treat people? Matters.

If you’re a psycho raging bitch to amazing people? That’s a waving red flag.
If you’re besties with assholes, abusers, & pedophiles? That’s a waving red flag.

Don’t treat amazing people badly, or terrible people amazingly.
Be able to tell the difference.
 
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