Feeling lonely this year...

[BlueWeepingRose]

I'm feeling very lonely this year. So many things is happening. After the death of my brother, I'm unable to feel happy and my PTSD has gotten worse due to his death. My mood swings are all over the place, I'm either happy or sad, there's no in between. Today is a good day, tomorrow I can be depressed. Think it all depends on my emotions and how I'm feeling or what goes on in my life. The one thing that hurts me a lot is being led on by people, they act as if they truly liked me and end up telling me their feelings for me has changed or just something that happened and suddenly changed over night. Now I find it very hard to believe anyone or trust people because I've been hurt so much. I'm a survivor of being abused and raped and manipulated, that's it's truly hard to see who I can trust and who's telling a lie. Sometimes I trust a person depending on how they are towards me. The moment I sense something wrong, I cut them off because I feel as if I might become abused once again. I've been so lonely and sad, because I've lost so many friends. I didn't push them away, things just changed and they stopped messaging me or seeing how I am doing. My heart is filled with so much compassion for others, in the end I end up hurt and I feel depressed anytime this happen. I'll end up crying if friendships change or they don't wish to speak to me anymore. Truly need some new friends in my life, I'm planning on seeing if there's any groups in the area so I can put myself out there again. That lonely sinking feeling though breaks my heart and anytime I end up crying, I feel so much pain. Feel as if all my depression just comes out at once. These mood swings are insane. I just want to heal so badly, because the pain I feel is overwhelming. Just needed to get this out. Thanks for listening who has read this.

 

[Survivor3]

I feel your pain and anguish. I also have lost friends due to either illness or people just turning into selfish self centred assholes. It's tough. I think your on the right path though by thinking of joining other groups. Whether it be mental health, sports or arts based.
If it gets you out and about and socialising and meeting new friends then that's a good thing.

I'm sorry for your struggles and hope that you can feel better soon. Dealing with the death of your brother must have been a huge grieving process for you.
All the best to you and keep on sharing your thoughts and feelings so that you can keep getting help and support from this community.
Take care. S3 ?

 

[Sunandbutterflies]

Sorry for the loss of your brother. As Survivor 3 said, joining a group is probably a step in the right direction. Have you considered a grief support group (such as Griefshare)? I can understand it feeling hard to trust people after all you have been through. Maybe the book Safe People would be a helpful resource for you as well. If you are seeking counsel, your counselor mayou have some additional suggestions. Hope that helps and thank you for sharing your story.