Feeling Resentful Of Family

[Thatoneuser]

I don't know why, but lately i've just been very angry and resentful of all but four members of my family.

I come from a very close extended family. Every weekend my grandparents, mom, aunts, uncle, cousins and nephew all meet up, have lunch together and hang out. Up until now, I thought it was fun, but lately just being around them fills me with a very deep, bitter anger.

I can't help but feel like they should have seen the very obvious signs of child abuse that I was exhibiting. One of them is a nurse for God's sake! At least one of them should have been paying enough attention to me to notice when my behavior started to change! It makes me angry because now they expect me to just hurry up and get better or something. That's obviously not how it works!

I actually blame them for the abuse to a certain degree because one of them should have helped me, yet they didn't. They won't even help me now that they know what happened to me. I'm pretty much on my own when I have panic attacks, flashbacks and the like.

Any advice on how to stop viewing them in this light before it messes up the family relationships i've worked so hard to rebuild? I really don't like the fact that I'm feeling this way towards them. I know it's not a good attitude to have.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Without knowing what your trauma was/is, and without knowing who was the abuser it's kind of hard for me to make a judgement call. With kids, it can be hard to determine that there might have been abuse. Kids go into hormonal upheavals that can change their behavior at times. I'm just guessing that you're young too.....I'm not taking sides here.

You've been abused and someone is to blame for that. If it wasn't a member of your family, does your family know who the abuser is, and what has happened??. I do hope that you are in therapy or at least have some kind of support! This is a great site, so read all that you can...Post when you need to or if something is bothering you. I'm glad that you found this site, but on the flip side, I'm sorry that abuse has brought you here. Sucks!!!

 

[Thatoneuser]

Without knowing what your trauma was/is, and without knowing who was the abuser it's kind of hard for me...

I was abused in my own home for almost a decade by my mom's live-in now ex boyfriend. This is a man who was regularly around my family and not a damn one of them liked him. I did try to tell my mom what was happening at least twice before I finally just gave up because she didn't believe me.

I finally had the guts to actually tell members of my family when I was 20 (I'll be 22 in a couple of months) because I had a complete mental breakdown and attempted suicide seven times in one month.

They all claimed that they "had no idea that was happening!" which is something I call complete bullshit on because looking back, I exhibited a lot of the signs of abuse in children. They simply should have payed attention to them.

As for the abuser himself, I saw him for the last time when I was 17.

I have been in therapy for a little over a year now and I am healing slowly but surely. It's gonna be a long road to recovery, but I am actively trying to get better. I don't want to end up like I did when I was 19 and the mental breakdown was at its worst. I destroyed most of my relationships, but especially the familial ones because they just didn't understand why I was behaving the way I was behaving.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Thatoneuser I hear you, and I can empathize with you on your abuse. My 2 brothers sexually abused me, and no one in my family noticed, or they turned a blind eye to it. I too went to my mother at 15 and she didn't believe me either. Even on her death bed she refuse to acknowledge it.

I'm not making excuses for anyone. What happened is wrong, and it never should have happened. People don't want to "see" what is right in front of them, for whatever reason. You do have the right to be angry, and anger can help us to a certain degree. What you don't have the right to do is act upon that anger in a way that will physically hurt someone. I think you know this. You sound pretty level headed.

I'm really sorry that this shit happened, and that no one did anything. Please take care of yourself and again..... This is an awesome site for helping you to heal. The people here are an awesome bunch too, and we are a strong bunch!!!!!