Feeling stupid about my triggers.

[Deleted member 37474]

it just dawned on me that I am going to pay a bunch of money to a professional on Wednesday to talk about the color green and a wooden door. I seriously feel like an idiot, but these two triggers are interfering with my life on a weekly basis and it feels like they are growing in power no matter what I try.

 

[Lady Moonlight]

TexCat, I don't know if it will help. But sometimes I get triggered by the weather. If the right temperature or the sunlight or the breeze is just right, I'll have terrible anxiety. I think it has to do with the time of year. But regardless, I always feel really stupid when I'm crying because it's sunny out. Or I can't breathe because the wind blew through the window on me.
I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling right now. I think we probably all have a few triggers that seem unusual. But I really hope your T can help you work through these things.

 

[ladee]

I do love the way you expressed yourself tho... I did laugh, not at you, but at how absurd our life is sometimes...one of mine is someone barely brushing my skin.... I get a knot in my stomach and almost feel violent.... like I could scratch someone's eyes out over barely touching me.... I do not think the police will be the slightest bit interested when I tell them , but they almost sorta kinda touched me and I went insane...
Supporting your discovery of the green paint on the door... hope your T session is productive.. gentle hugs if you accept.

 

[Buddey]

Tex from talking to you guys I am comfortable with being sure that we all have this thought about being silly or reacting to things that aren't worthy of stress, or questioning why we are like this because we see it as unnecessary. You aren't alone with this feeling. When I first got on here I had this f*cked up feeling that I was unworthy to be here. That what happened in my life couldn't have been that bad and I was awful and weak. These feelings are all related if you think about it. It's a sick kind of doubt. The reality is that these things right now in your life are extremely detrimental. It's not by virtue of green being the color green or a door being made out of wood. These things cause your negative psychological relation because of your experience with those things. I'm sorry you are feeling like this. None of our reactions, feelings or states of mind are nonsensical. I hope your treatment helps. We are always here for you.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

I do love the way you expressed yourself tho... I did laugh, not at you, but at how absurd our life is so...

Actually, green and the door are two very separate triggers. Not sure if we can even get into green without me shutting down. It is what I stared at in the part of my trauma when I "left." Now, for some reason the color makes me feel like someone's hands are around my neck and pressing down. Makes it kind of hard to breathe in the neighborhood store. And the door. Well, I just should have never opened it.

 

[ladee]

I get it hon. I really do... it is all so painful and full of mystery... mysteries that drive us to bad places... we want and don't want to know.... I am sure my 'almost touching' is something from some of my trauma... and I certainly was not making light of your pain and confusion..... Healing energy sent for you to get your answers... and not feeling like you can breathe at any time is not good...
And I relate to having doors I wish I had never opened... gentle hugs if you accept. Apologize if my reply seemed minimizing... that was not my intention.... hope you find your answers...

 

[digger]

I hear ya! Sometimes the absurdity or seeming triviality of things that cause me to crash just make me feel that way too :rolleyes:

I am going to pay a bunch of money to a professional on Wednesday to talk about the color green and a wooden door.

Thing is though, wooden doors and the colour green aren't what you're actually taking to therapy - it's the shit those things represent to you.

 

[UnicornSightings]

Of course you think your triggers are stupid! Your brain is trying to protect you from talking about it or working through it. It brings up intense fear so your brain is like "whoa!!! You're thinking about TALKING about that?!!! Super bad idea, dude. It's not gonna help. Plus omg those are SUCH dumb triggers... Your therapist is gonna laugh his/her ass off at you!!! Such a bad call..."

You see? Lol! And we ALL do that, we all have those thoughts. Cause that's easier than dealing with shame and fear and all of those really vulnerable feelings. So applaud your awesome mind for trying to protect you and reassure it this is for the best. You can handle these feelings.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

I get it hon. I really do... it is all so painful and full of mystery... mysteries that drive us to bad p...

Your reply wasn't minimizing in the least. I just wanted to clear up that it was two separate things.

 

[ladee]

Thank you for making that clear, I was reading faster than my brain was processing.... gentle hugs.

 

[whiteraven]

So sorry you are struggling with this. I hope you won't feel stupid, though. I went through most of my high school years triggered by black plastic trash bags.