Feeling Suicidal

[Bomag]

Wanting to reach out but not wanting to deal with worrying anyone. I can rationalize that my suicidal ideation is a result of major life stressors, that doesn't make the feeling go away though.

 

[Varahoj]

No, it doesn't make the feeling go away but it might help you understand that the feeling is part of something else and doesn't really reflect reality - eg being able to assure yourself that while it feels like death is the only way to stop hurting, there are actually other options that are less permanent and more helpful.

Riding out that feeling is hard, sometimes it means negotiating on a minute to minute basis that you'll keep yourself safe. I'm sorry you're in it and hope you find a more peaceful place.

 

[Obanum]

Are you taking medication or have a therapist?

The only thing that I can tell you is that maybe you'll worry people but it's because they love you, I had a suicide attempt and I regret it everyday...

It's easier dealing with this if you are not alone...

Therapy and medicine helped me a lot, also having a support, don't suffer alone and good luck :)

 

[Aregu]

I posted anonymous, I am sorry ...

 

[Avomi]

You should call a hotline. If you're feeling suicidal, you need help ASAP. The feelings may subside but come back all of a sudden.

 

[Uhaw]

Hope you soon feel better.

All good thoughts above. Make sure you help yourself get plenty of rest, eat as healthy as you can, call people you know-to say hello or make plans to meet up.

For those of in the Northern Hemesphere, we are now in Autumn; less light often means less exercise, less Vit D, and sometimes seasonal related depression.

At least for me, knowing about outside contributing factors, helps me feel a bit better; that it/suicidal thoughts, will pass. Knowing these factors also give me ideas of actions I can take that MIGHT help.

 

[Bomag]

OP here. I appreciate that advising me to call a helpline comes from a well-meaning place. Based on previous experience, a hotline would push me closer to the edge. My therapist terminated me, so part of what I am dealing with is rejection.

 

[Okiv]

Oh yes, I have to say I too have not had success with helplines. I don't go there any more as I too have felt worse after trying that.
I didn't know therapists could terminate you - does that mean he/she didn't feel able to help where you're needing help?
And shouldn't they refer you on if so?
That would really affect me too.
One advantage for me in being older is I know now how things change and keep changing.
I've been to that dark place a few times in my life, but its not a predictor of what's to come.
Great happiness can come out of nowhere, just like its opposite. It's like surfing, learning to ride the waves - sometimes tsunamis
I hope it passes over soon!

 

[Eme]

To the OP, you don't have a therapist, and that's okay, if you use your ER if things get too tempting. Do you have a real, live person in your daily routine you can reach out and talk to without losing your shit?

 

[Atoc]

To the OP, I am feeling the same way as you right now. I have been able to prevent it from escalating so far, but I do know where it can go and am fearing that happening again. I too don't want to worry anyone, and for me, at this point I don't think I need to, but it is true that it can change in just minutes so it is a slippery slope.

I am basically hopeless, but am trying to be hopeful the past few days and it is going just ok. I am trying to gently reach out for help without it escalating to have concrete SI. The problem is that others would not know this and the outcome could actually make it worse too. I am also making little notes to myself of things I need to do right now to improve my situation and then doing little bits every day. So far it is working.

I agree with others here, you may just need to let others do the worrying for you right now and tell someone how you are feeling. I have had an attempt before and its not pretty. When I get overly stressed/depressed/anxious I tend to have worse sleep, am unable to eat, get weak physically, and these things further escalate the problem.

Please reach out to someone if you have that kind of support or a professional.