feeling upset that my suicide attempt didnt work

[Mapenzi]

i've been suicidal for basically as long as i can remember and recently i tried to hang myself. i passed out and only woke up because the rope fell (idk how, it must have been the way i was thrashing after i passed out?). one of my last thoughts before passing out was how relieved i was to be finally dying. since then i haven't felt that sense of relief to be alive. i'm worried that i'll spend my whole life knowing that i genuinely would have rather been dead because dying felt like such a relief. idk if anyone can relate but yea, been struggling with this thought a bit.

 

[Survivor3]

I've been suicidal before with near death/life changing injuries because of it. If you had a magic wand, what would you do right now to change your life so you'd feel glad to be alive? Or at least not wanting to die?

 

[Movingforward10]

I hear the relentlessness of the situation. And that's such a hard place to be.

Sometimes shifting the frame can help.
Maybe the suicide attempt not ending your life, means that it gives an opportunity now that wasn't there before? Something to help.

Yes, you will know that in that moment just before you passed out that you were feeling relief that you would be dead. Is it that feeling and thought that you feel badly about?

I think I am learning that even in the darkest of moments, when it feels like there is zero room for learning/healing/reflection etc , that there actually is. When things are so bad, sometimes the only way is up and out, rather than any further down. I don't know if that makes any sense.

Ultimately, here on this site you'll have a lot of people understand.