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Advice for the first anniversary of my suicide attempt

Thread starter #73
Not doing well.
Haven't SHed yet, but brain is not in a good place.
Cycles of flashback - panic attack - reground - rinse, repeat.
Using every technique I have to ground / distract, but this is just completely exhausting. How am I supposed to keep doing this.
Thread starter #75
Yes, am safe. Thanks @gealach .
Hands are shaking really bad. Brain keeps dipping back to thoughts of my razor.
Gonna email back T.
Just warmed up some dinner and made cup of tea. Sometimes (all the time) when I am undernourised or dehydrated it makes symptoms x1000 worse so trying to mitigate that before it becomes an issue.
Sorry you're struggling.
Do you have plans for a scenario where things get really bad? Do you go to the ER? Call the emergency number? Call your T?
I don't want to paint a bleak picture, just want you to be safe.

Sometimes (all the time) when I am undernourised or dehydrated it makes symptoms x1000 worse
Uh, yeah, 100% there with you. I've finally learned that whenever I'm having a rough time, I need to eat every 4hrs. Minimum.

Remember, this anniversary thing will pass. 31 more hours and it's done. (If my brain serves me... :rolleyes: )
Thread starter #77
Do you have plans for a scenario where things get really bad?
It's normally to take sleep meds (as prescribed) asap, and put myself in bed.

I don't drive so getting to the ER would require the assistance of someone else, and 99/100 even the darkest parts of my mind would rather go to bed when the alternative is involving another IRL.

I can and do contact T, but she's only available by phone during work hours. ie. Not now. But I have just emailed her and she does check emails outside of work sometimes. Not as crisis line stuff.

I do have the crisis number in my phone under "crisis", I am very bad at calling it though.

I used to have friends I reached out to IRL, but with recent crap that has happened, I no longer feel like I can do that.

Sorry, I feel like this isn't the greatest answer but yeah I think that's all I've got.

Thanks @Freemartin . And yeah, you got the time spot on.
What Freida said.
Please keep yourself safe, even if it means doing awkward or scary things. Believe me, I know it’s hard as f*ck to reach out and ask for help. But if it’s what it takes to keep yourself alive, that’s what you need to do. (Putting on the hypocrite hat I’ve borrowed from Chrissy... :laugh: )

And yeah, you got the time spot on.
Damn I’m good! :laugh:
Thread starter #80
Ooh I didn't know Chrissy has a hypocrite hat; I will need to borrow it from her in future myself!

I promise I'll keep myself alive. In whatever weird and wonderful ways that transpires.
Thank you guys for caring so much, really, it means everything.

T replied to my admission of my SH thoughts by kinda changing the subject; asking how my day was, how Tweeter has settled back into life at my flat post-surgery-recovery, and when my next appointment with GP is.

I guess she feels distraction is better than talking about my stockpiles. I told her that I couldn't remove them from my access temporarily because I don't trust people to give them back anyway (with good reason). Suppose we'll talk about it more on Wednesday.

It was weird though; when I read her latest response with all the questions, my immediate overwhelming feeling was to want to isolate from her. Not sure which part was driving that. Ed or Echo I'd suspect. Haven't been able to respond yet either. Might have to try in the morning.
Ah, lightbulb, maybe it's Ed trying to gain some control over something. Or it's Echo selling us old lies that our medical team are evil. Maybe a combination. Oh the joys of having parts.
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