Coming up to first anniversary

[Sophiem121]

I am coming up to my first anniversary of getting hit by a car and my life changing severely and forever. My therapist tells me it’s normal to feel distressed on the build up to the anniversary. I’ve worked so hard with EMDR to feel a tiny bit better, but I currently feel so bad that I have done SH. I haven’t done this in like 15 years but it’s a way to feel like I can get my anger and frustration out. Does anyone else feel like this? I just feel so alone, no one understands.

 

[Sues]

Hi Sophiem121

I relate to this a lot. "trauma-versaries" will kick your ass. I have a lot of them (I have CPTSD), and often my body and anxiety will start acting up before I even realize what's going on or what the date is.

This is normal. It sucks.

I try to use grounding techniques when it happens. I use breathing. It helps, but there's no magic quick fix. Healing takes time, but it does get better... until you have a bad day/week/month. Because healing isn't linear, and that sucks too.

I take breaks from EMDR when I'm more stressed/anxious/triggered. EMDR is very intense, and we shouldn't be doing it when we are activated.

I also SH. I feel ashamed about it and frustrated that I can't seem to get passed it. BUT, I also realize that it's a coping mechanism. I also know it takes time to lean more on the healthier coping mechanisms and start to use the unhealthy ones less.

 

[Movingforward10]

It's good you are aware. That's half a battle completed.

I second what @Sues said.

Also, there are some anniversaries that I now can see and hold and experience in more positive, less triggered ways. Ways that honour my survival and healing, as opposed to the fear and terror. (Not all, one anniversary in particular still pulls the rug from under my feet to put it mildly ...SI etc).

Put a lot of self care in place.
This is the first anniversary. That's a new thing. It is something to think about and hold. You'll never have a first anniversary of this again.

Whilst SH for the first time in 15 years is telling you something that this is impacting. You also have 15 years of not self harming that tells you that you can get through this.

Sitting with you.